76 Replies to “Fights with Family & Friends during the Holidays”

  1. I find Christmas so hard because my family is so big so there are always fights and I hate confrontation so thank you! 💜💜💜

  2. My therapist left very suddenly and she wasn't able to finish our work together and there is no handover process. I'm struggling to put my trust into therapy again. This was no fault of my therapist more so the service provider. I just feel everything has gone to waste and I'm not strong enough to go through everything again. I have PTSDanxiety and OCD. This has really set me back. It's not the change so much as the being left on my own with everything. They pretty much just called me told me she left and I have to see someone else if I want to continue. I'm struggling to go to work etc and this is just tipping me over the edge. No idea what to do?

  3. i am going through so much right now…i gave up my surgery date which is tomorrow because of anxiety and fear and had a lil fight with my dad. ….let my family down….but i feel helpless 😯

  4. I never argue the small stuff, I will give in 75% of the time
    I will end a discussion with " I won't charge your mind an you won't change mine " do you want to go eat something.

  5. #katifaq my dr wants to put me on antidepressants and I'm scared. Are they okay and is it okay to be scared? Will they change who I am as in my core personality?

  6. This is something I totally suck at…..I either clam up and don't say anything during confrontation which makes the other person even more angry or I just run away and cry, avoid the person I'm fighting with for weeks and procrastinate…..thinking about what I did wrong and what I should have done instead of bail……When it comes to "fight, flight or freeze" I'm definitely a flight kinda person!
    I always look forward to your new videos that come out 🙂 thank you for being you xox

  7. "HOLY FUCK I'M SO PISSED"
    gives friend a tiny paper
    "HOLD THIS I GOTTA TALK"😝

    thank you so much for this video I'm currently in a fight with a close friend and this was tremendous help!

  8. I'm one of those silent subscriber but the title got me. I'm in the middle of a war zone with my step-familly and it's killing me and my partner, Sarah. I'm a chill person, I hate fights, I hate conflits and avoid it as much as I can. Am all about self-love, happiness, rainbows etc and I've pushed Sarah up in that direction because her familly is just…a mess. They never communicate, there's a lot of anger, stress, hate, money issues, self esteem issues and so on. We've been dealing with that situation for 5 years (because we couldn't get a place of our own. We're looking to find one now) and it recently blowed up, again. No one talks to anyone, her mom doesn't even says Hi to me when I come over, there's just no communication, at all. Everyone hates everyone. We're at a point were Sarah is starting to actually hate her own family and vise versa. I've never actually hate someone because I think there's always a way to work it out but i'm tired. I don't want to hate on anyone. It's the holidays soon and I love that time of the year but this is fucking up everything. I feel like we need to walk away from all of this asap but it takes time and I don't know what to do except wait. Actually, I don't even want to try to fix the problem cuz this time it hurts too much. I'm sorry, this is the longest comment ever. Just needed to get it out there I guess. Hesitated a lot before actually posting it since it's a lot more complex than what it looks like. But yeah. Thanks for the tips, you're videos are always helpful.

  9. My aunt doesn't understand mental illness at all. I haven't seen or spoken to her in 3 years because I was under a huge amount of stress during the holidays and she made me uncomfortable in a small scenario and I flipped out, ran into my room, and had a horrific panic attack. I don't blame her for my intense reaction, but she's so ignorant. She has all these degrees in education and understands learning disabilities.. She works a bunch of jobs but one of them is at a psych center, but she still doesn't get it. I don't think people can understand mental illness by just reading about it. I think once you do you can apply your knowledge to yourself or other people you've met. My rule is just that I won't associate with anyone who can't accommodate my needs and invalidates my feelings because it isn't healthy.

    I'm curious.. Why did you decide you wanted to be a therapist? Did you or someone close to you struggle with something or did you just generally want to help people? You just seem like you get it, way more so than just by knowing about it. Did you always innately understand or did your experience with clients lead to you making videos?

  10. I've been avoiding proper conversations with my mother for years. The last time I tried to talk about anything but the weather she stomped out of the room and told me she didn't love me anymore. So, the weather it is then. And really short visits! And making sure I'm never in the room alone with her (because she doesn't make snide remarks when someone else is there).

  11. i had to walk away Saturday night.. One of my movies were on nobody else wanted to watch and the kids, nieces and nephew were acting up and getting hyper i just took my stuff in spare bedroom and watched movie.. Another thing I hate is when my family doesn't drop conversations when I say stop that was another reason I walked away.. They go on and on about how i do to much then bring me down about a lot of things.. sorry for long comment

  12. The holidays are hard for me this year..my mental health is bad and I decided not to spend thanksgiving with my family. Don't even want to spend Christmas with them. They seem to make my mental health worse every time I'm near them. I see a therapist every week. We decided that I've done everything I can on my part and my family is very toxic when It comes down to it, I can't control how they treat me. My family situation is so bad I wrote to the dr phil show and the producer wanted us on the show..so I guess I'm doing #5 this year.

  13. I hid like a coward from my family this thanksgiving. I lied and said I wall I'll to avoid my family. It's guaranteed to multiple arguments between me and them.

  14. Hey Kati thank you for the helpful videos! I have a question, do you have any tips for what can help on a mental health break when you don't have the best supports and a really need help? Thank you so much bye

  15. #askKati 😌
    I'm a psych major & I'm planning on becoming a therapist (you've really been my inspiration 💞). Can I be a therapist and still battle my own mental illnesses? I suffer from anxiety, depression, ADHD & OCD.

  16. I'm learning that stuff at university – active listening, paraphrasing, verbalising, I-statements all these things 🙂
    And I agree, it really does make it easier to deal with conflicts in a constructive way.

  17. is it true that if a psychologist / therapist register you in the 'system', and writes that you have depression or other mental illness, you will not be able to work at all ? and if you get to the university leter they also will see that you had/ have mental illness?

  18. Hi, Kati.
    Is it true people who struggle with BPD can have an even harder time than most around the holidays?

    My best friend has BPD and she got very angry with me because I told her I couldn't move with her, and I do wonder if part of it was her mood, because she had just gotten done telling me she wouldn't be mad if it wasn't what I wanted, and I felt pressured. But now she's deactivated her Facebook, totally withdrawn. I know she's hurt, and she said she doesn't want me around. I would never mean to hurt her. This happened on Thanksgiving. Her son's birthday is tomorrow. I want to respect her need for space, but don't want to let her son's birthday pass without acknowledgement. I want to wish him happy birthday and tell her I'm sorry I hurt her. Will she think I don't care, or is it better to let her come to me?

    Thank you so much for your help.

  19. On Thanksgiving my husband and step dad got into a disagreement and my husband walked away to not further cause drama and now my step dad is pissed. I don't like my step father anyway(he's emotionally and verbally abusive to my mom) so I don't care but I wish the holidays were drama free. Great video. I will save these tips for Christmas if we even see them now lol.

  20. I thought this was so awesome it really brightened my day I'm quite scared coz I'm getting my jaw and teeth reconstruction tomorrow which is my birthday 2 it has been really rough recently. My sister says she is gonna make me move school after i get the results of an ASD assessment as u need a diagnosis to get in so my sister is gonna teach me at home until i move school I'm still scared about becoming a target for bullying at my new school could you please do a video on bullying and being targeted and how to deal . you know who this is right karti ? fabs

  21. It's so nice to have tips! Thanks! (BTW, folks around me are more likely to listen to an actual piece of floor that was just ripped up in front of them than the laminated paper, but hey…suggestions help!)

  22. Hey kati this video was really helpful. I have a question, how do you stop punishing yourself. I think I need to get some extra support get I feel like I need to be punished and this stops me from reaching out and asking for help. I self harm and am just self destructive. Have you got any advice? Hope you have a good day.

  23. Hi Katy, I love you and all your videos so much, and I have a question to ask… So I am a gymnast and back a few years ago I had what you could call a slight eating disorder where I restricted food and lost a bit of weight. In gymnastics there is always this stigma going around that you do better when you are skinnier and that's how I fell into my eating disorder back then. However I did do better when i had my eating disorder which was strange because I could hardly last through trainings but during that time I was getting higher scores and progressing faster. Now that I am recovered from my eating disorder to some extint, I am triggered by the thought that I could do better when I'm smaller and have found myself trying to restrict again to be better. What do you think I should do?

  24. Okay, for starters the thumbnail is soo funny! I love it!! You were super silly in the video while addressing some awesome tips; it honestly made my day. It's so nice to see a notification of your videos after one of my classes. Holidays aren't great; always a family fight. Finally 18 and can somewhat leave but it's hard because it's supposed to be "family time", yeah like it's so wonderful. I really like tip #2 as I've grown to use it. I've also started to state "I feel…" and "I think…" which is something I was never used to and now it's easier. #5 for me is just being able to shower or wrap myself in blankets on the really cold nights.
    Thank you so much! Always, always loving the amazing videos!!!
    (Sorry about the name change! Had to change it for college and scholarships. Anything Lexie Grey is me in the future and Google is being difficult with me)

  25. I never go searching these topics out but I'm glad I'm subscribed to you and get a dose of these good reminders that you always share.:) thank you. Hope you have a peaceful holidays with healthy communication and fun! Haha😋💗

  26. Thank you for this. On a related topic, do you have any videos about coordinating the holidays and trying to make everyone happy? knowing not everyone will be! I'm recently married and holidays are stressful when trying to see everyone. Feelings are often hurt. There are conflicting demands. This leads to stress… especially for me as I'm a bit of a people pleaser (working on that!!) I/We can't be everywhere at the same time!

  27. I lost a close friend of mine to cancer last Tuesday (the funeral was on thanksgiving). She was only sixteen, and she had only been fighting for around eight months. Do you have any videos that could help my friends and I get through this difficult time of losing a friend, especially one that is so young?

  28. Amazing Kati! 🙂 Happy Holidays!! I appreciate that you take your time and dedication to make these videos. They are so helpful and thanks to you I finally got to start therapy and open up. Thank you so much! <3 xoxo

  29. Hi Kati I have problems expressing my anger or emotions to others. I tend to either keep it in letting them win or belittle me, I avoid confrontation at all cost. But I take it out on me always, putting me down. Even with my mum. How do I deal with this. I can feel like a looser when everyone else is right right? Xxx

  30. I actually feel like I do these things but no one else in my family does……..really good video though! I wish my family could take this stuff on board x

  31. kati i am 16 and i struggle with BPD. i am in dbt i don't like it so much because it is very rigid. i was wondering if you had any techniques about borderline relationships because everything is really downhill. i will spare you the gory details of my life right now but things aren't right.

  32. kati, I have question. I reckon you know Marlow's Hierarchy of Human Needs… what happens if you skip step three? I noticed my only missing step is that. Thanks

  33. I was wondering if you have any advice; my mum can be really emotionally abusive and sometimes physical but on Christmas she is always so sweet and buying great gifts and stuff but then as soon as it's over she goes back to being abusive, I don't know how to cope with this/ how to not get really disappointed/angry

  34. I just found your videos and they have been so helpful to me. I really appreciate it. how does one vote for new video topics?

  35. Hi Kati, Please please can you do a video on Workplace bullying as that is what I have recently experienced. When I went to HR to report the incidents, the person denied absolutely everything and the allegations were dismissed despite them saying that bullying allegations are treated seriously. That is rubbish as it was all swept under the carpet. I have been left traumatised by the whole experience and am terrified of starting a new job because of it in case I experience something like it again.

  36. Hi Kati, I keep having dreams about being somewhere, usually back in some version of school, and being in distress. Sometimes I've hurt myself or I feel like I am going to and so I'm always running and looking for the counsellor (who I literally never saw at school, so they'll either be someone I know is in a position like that, like you or my old psychologist or even sometimes a character from a tv show that I like and think would be very caring). I feel so lame about this but I do have these dreams alot and I don't know why, do you think it's because I still need help, or I'm trying to "relive" a crisis situation (I had a suicide attempt a few years ago and got treated pretty badly at the hospital) or am I just an attention seeker?! I feel like I am. I don't know why but I'm so ashamed of these dreams! Sorry if this is a weird question……. xoxo

  37. you can usually leave the room

    i dont have that as much anymore when thanksgiving was at my grandmothers house then shit would happen but i would be downstairs listening to my dad be an asshole and my grandmother scream back at him

    for the most part shit isnt as bad anymore since my sister doesnt live at home and it really would normally happen when my sister was around or grandmother

    thx for this ha bisky vid i am back in MA my sister is going to hawaii thats why and i will be back in the DCish area in jan and i will be heading to vidcon from DC (hoping its also much cheaper then leaving from boston)

    in march for some stuff i will be back in MA as well without the pups i have the pups with me and tomorrow is a walk day they are going to the rez

  38. i once got into a fight with my dad i was in tears because i was afraid he was going to hit me or something but in the end i won and my grandmother was proud of me for holding my own

  39. if i ever used those i statements i would have been beaten or told nobody cares about how i feel

    the fights were a better thing or just not being around

  40. i listened thats how i ended up winning and using john fugelsangs advice without really meaning to just remembering everything i ever heard from my youtubers and that really helped

    i still dont think john knows i used any advice or information he gave us since he isnt on youtube anymore i think i never got a chance to let him know

  41. I went no contact with my narc parents last August. They hurt & crossed my 11yo boundaries. She kept crossing my boundaries & triggering me. Not good.

  42. I just do my best to avoid the people at family gatherings. Meaning, I spend half of Christmas eve (when the extended family gathers) in the kitchen cleaning dishes. I just don't need to hear what they have to say, I don't need their judgmental, uneducated, racist and homophobic opinions. I prefer to take myself out of the situation.

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