How To Improve Your Dating Life: Julien & Tyler’s Advanced Secrets To Increasing Your Social Status!


– If you can’t get love,
that’s just offensive. Rub my bald head or suck my man boob. – The bartender’s gonna smash a bottle and jab us right in the neck. – Probably mating. What we’re gonna be
shooting into right now is the reason why we started teaching the ideas in Transformation
Mastery Academy. And these are ideas of healing trauma, of elevating your
vibration or general vibe, and being somebody who’s way happier and how this effected the teaching that we’ve taught up until now. Now, you’re probably aware
that we’ve been teaching success with women for
guys for many, many years. Now if you’re new to Julian’s channel, you’ve been seeing the
work on trauma healing. You might not have
known that about Julian, but for people who have
followed us for a long time, that’s been the general theme of our team, is that we teach success
with women to guys who want to learn how to attract women and improve in the way that they’re relating with the opposite sex. And by the way, it’s
funny we’re saying that ’cause you can, I don’t
know if you can hear, there’s a lot of coyotes up
here in the Hollywood Hills. They’re probably mating right now. See, and the coyote
doesn’t need the course, it’s ’cause a natural, right? And that’s what we teach
in success with women, is for guys to be natural. They’re really going for it. (laughing) they’re out there
eating and killing something, or they’re hooking up. So that being the case, we
taught that for many many years, and this led us down all
these different paths. And areas to improve. And the really interesting thing about teaching success with women
is it’s so results oriented, because if you take a guy,
you’re gonna see very clearly if he’s being successful or not, he has the ability to go and
talk to the opposite sex, and create a lot of
chemistry, or he doesn’t. He either does or he doesn’t, you see it right then and there. And this forced us to get very real. It forces to be result oriented, to be very real, we can’t
be stuck up in our heads in some woo woo world, we’ve gotta be very blunt
and realistic because we’re seeing the results and
how it’s effecting people. So one area where this came up
as far as elevating your vibe or healing trauma or just
learning to be happier was because what we learned was women really appreciate guys
who don’t have a lot of baggage who are secure with themselves, who are positive and fun, and
we just saw this over and over that you don’t necessarily need to have a million tricks up your sleeve when you’re just a really positive guy who doesn’t have a lot of baggage and when you’re talking
with the opposite sex they can see that they can
kinda just have fun with you and that you’re somebody
who’s very self validating, somebody who loves himself. And I was talking to Julian about this and why this became so important for me because when I was first
learning success with women this was back in 2002,
the experience that I had was I would go out for the night, and I would try to find
someone very popular with a ton of people, really social, and I would try to talk
to a lot of people. And the experience that I had was that if the first three or four
people who I talked to were really nice to me
and really receptive, I would get in this super great mood, it was like I was high, feeling so good, and the rest of my night I
would have great reactions from people, I would just talk
to everybody in the bar club that I went to or some social
gathering that I went to. Everybody would be really receptive and there’d be these really
positive interactions, everybody would have so much fun. And then conversely, if
I had a lot of people who maybe rejected me,
didn’t like me at first, I would kind of crash,
I would actually feel this incredible pain and
I would start crashing. And as a result of that
my night would be ruined. And this got to the point where in my earlier years of
learning how to talk to people, ’cause I really just had no ability to relate or talk to people, that
was why it was so important, that’s why we’re so passionate
about teaching this to people was I would have periods
of three or four weeks where I couldn’t even get
a conversation started because say that I went
out the night before, talked to a bunch of people,
they all rejected me, and I took it super bad, I would be walking up to people
desperate for their approval so much to the point that
they would be put off by this sort of off or needy energy. And it would get to the
point that I would have in a couple cases I remember
going several months at a time when I was first learning without even being able to
get a conversation started, and it was like being in a nightmare. And I could sort of vaguely remember that I had gotten it working before, I had had some success
before, and I’m thinking, I can’t just quit, I’ve gotta keep going, but what am I doing different? Is it some kind of trick up my sleeve that I need to be deploying
in a different way? Some technique to converse and relate with other human beings that I’m missing this technique for it? Or is it something in me? And I could feel this
emotional pit I was going into, but because I didn’t
know myself very well, I couldn’t recognize things
like high vibe or low vibe. Or being internally
validated, or loving yourself. I didn’t have a framework of terminology for this kind of thing, I was just very very
traumatized from being young, I didn’t really know
how traumatized I was, I think that’s the really big key here, is you may not even realize
how traumatized you are because that sadness is
like a refrigerator hum of constant anxiety or
needing to get approval. It’s like you walk into an environment, and rather than just
having fun and sharing, you feel like you’ve gotta
get everybody’s approval, and the own ness is all on you to get other peoples approval. And you don’t realize
that you essentially have Self Love Deficit Disorder as, there was that incredible teacher who teaches Human Magnet Syndrome. – Ross Rosenberg. – Ross Rosenberg has
this incredible channel, and he calls the lack of self love, some people call it co-dependence, and he coined the term, I believe, Self Love Deficit Disorder. And this happens because
often times as a kid you have unhealthy
relationship with your parents, of course your parents love
you and they gave birth to you, they’re trying as best as they can but maybe they have a
lot of toxic behavior, and so what happens is
you come into the world being traumatized at a young age, and you’d think that
you could move past that and just get on with your life
and it wouldn’t be a big deal but it’s still profoundly effecting you years and years later to the point that the symptom is that you
walk into an environment, you feel ill at ease, you feel alienated from the environment, you may feel in a competition
with the environment, that you’ve gotta get over everybody, and you feel like you have to prove yourself and self qualify. And this was probably my
biggest sticking point in learning how to socialize with people when I was younger was, I was completely dependent
on their approval, and I was also a massive,
massive self qualifier, and I can still see this
tendency in myself today to an extent, but I was able to heal it, 95% compared to where I was at before. And it’s just like cool
to enjoy the journey and get that to 100%. And of course because it is a journey, you appreciate it more, when
you get to that 96 or 97, every little step closer you appreciate it because it was part of a journey. But I would conversely see younger people who had a lot of love in the household when they were younger and they have that really good foundation and
when they have that foundation, they go into an environment and
they start talking to people and because they love themselves
and they’re not putting off that weird off vibe of needing validation, they have incredible responses socially, let’s say for example if
it’s a guy talking to women and wanting to create
chemistry with that woman and relate with her in a
manner that creates attraction, he’s able to do it like clockwork
with minimal instruction, versus the guy like myself, who had that Self Love Deficit Disorder, where for me is everything is just like carrying a ton of bricks on
my back, it’s so difficult. When I get a bad reaction
I’m being crushed and it’s sending me into negativity. You can see extreme examples of this from guys who go get a
couple bad reactions, and they become so negative
they never try to go out again, and they just complain about
it online forever and ever. And then they get into
a little silo of a group and they start talking about it all day, and further fuel that, it’s very sad. And I can strangely relate to that because I feel like I wasn’t
that far removed from that, but fortunately I was
able to push through. Later in life, as I was
able to get great partners, great girlfriends, I noticed that whenever I’d have a breakup, I’d take it hard, you and I
created a breakup video in 2014, 2015, where I was just crushed. And there was a lot of
deep reasons for that, and I actually have videos
coming out about that, but part of it was no matter how much more of an attractive partner
I was able to get, or how much more easily
I was able to meet people when I went out, there
was still that deep pain. And this is something
that Ross Rosenberg says is that people who have
that co-dependence, when they have a break up,
they have a deep extreme pain four to five times higher than somebody who might have had a healthy foundation. So I used to notice this with you, because you and I have
a lot of similarities, and we’re in the same
level on a lot of areas, but I would just always notice that you had this ability to shake that off. Boom, boom, boom, way faster than I did. And one thing that you told me is that people who have, people who
maybe had problems younger often either become co-dependent
or become narcissistic. And because the way that
they deal with it is either A they’re constantly
chasing approval, like wanting to be this perfect person. We can see in my art that I do I release three hour videos. Why does anyone release three hour videos? ‘Cause it’s never enough,
it has to be three hours. It has to be 4K cameras, it
has to be five different shots, it has to be shot at golden hour, it has to have everything perfect, right? Like that’s my, art is the art of somebody who feels the need to get
that approval, to be perfect, which is beautiful, it helps my craft. But it’s also, I wanna keep
that momentum that I’ve had, but I also have to evolve out of it, the places coming from,
and I have to an extent. But then at the same time, some people learn to cope
with childhood issues with becoming a narcissist. Where rather than just say
trying to be perfect all the time they go the opposite direction, and they look down on other people, and frame themselves as superior. And in that way they might
be able to get over a breakup in two seconds but they never even made themselves vulnerable
in the first place. So it was never even
healthy in the first place. So you’d mentioned that you
were at that time in your life a little bit more towards that side. And so this is a fascinating topic because what you see is that a lot of guys that are learning to socialize or learning how to create
attraction and come together with the opposite sex, rather
than pushing them away, well as guys are learning
to come together, the guys who have a lot of that self love and are internally referencing
for their validation, tend to learn it in a jiffy,
they learn it in a weekend. It’s so fast how quickly they get results. Versus guys who are having
these crashes, like myself, people will hear, you know, I worked on my social skills
for a decade and a half, and they’re like, why’d it take that long? And it’s because of how
low I was coming from, because of this issue. Now if I had had something like Transformation Mastery Academy, and other resources and
frameworks to think about this, I think that I could have
gotten to the same level with social skills that I would have now, in three or four years, rather
than in 15 years, you know? And I could have gotten
to a very good level probably in three or four months. So from, and for guys that get tutoring, they get there in a weekend. So this was why it was so
important to bring this in. And that’s not to maybe discard
a lot of other important areas of knowledge about social
skills and meeting people, there’s so many amazing areas, but it was just an area that we saw a gap, and an area that I myself
had really struggled with, had been a nightmare for me
for years and years and years, and was even still
provoking nightmares for me, 15 years deep with breakups where it’s causing me severe pain
and I’m looking at other people saying why don’t they get
affected the way that I do? Why don’t other people have
these crashes the way that I do? And I’m looking at that and you know, we’ll talk more about this later, but as I was introduced
to these kinds of ideas, that was sort of the
first ray of light for me, where I began to finally understand that I’d been spitting my wheels for years and years and years, like sometimes life is like
you’re digging down this tunnel and you hope you’re digging
down the right tunnel, but you sometimes realize
you’ve gotta double all the way back and
find this other tunnel. And that was why it was so
important for us to get this out, because we wanna show you
where the right tunnel is right off the bat. – When I first started I had some nights where I’d like go out and it
would even start off well, like you’d get those
first three interactions that were like amazing, and
I’m like yes, this is it. And then just one person,
just not reacting as good as the previous one, then I would crash. And I’d be focusing
just on that one person like the whole first half of the night of things going amazingly
well just never happened. I’m like fuck that, this one person didn’t react how I wanted, they only smiled a little bit, not a lot. What does it say about me. And then the self talk takes over. And then that momentum will carry on to the next night you go out, the next night, and it’s just
like this accumulated momentum just this repulsive vibe. And when you study this, like
you become very attuned to it and it’s crazy now like, you get a feel like
you’ll know immediately if someone as a client
comes like, hey, teach me, like we were talking about before, we immediately know, oh
wow, you just feel that. – You can see how long it’s gonna take. – Yeah, and you just know, man, even without saying a word
you just feel that pit inside of them, like that
void, that black hole. And women feel that much
more intensely then us and you don’t even have to say a word they’ll just sense it,
they sense your present, and it’s like, stay away, stay
away, stay away, you know? And it’s crazy too if you think about how a lot of the, even skills or
techniques evolved from say, okay you need to memorize
this line to doing this thing, to saying this, to then it’s like, okay, it’s not necessarily about the words, it’s what techniques can
we use to feel better? Like that was so much of my teaching is like how can you make
yourself feel amazing? How can you give yourself what you think getting a girl will give you? So say right now you’re
like, I don’t feel complete, I need the approval of a girl. How do you feel if you got
the girl and that approval? I’d feel amazing. So let’s attack that directly. What techniques can you use
to feel amazing without her, and then go up and say hi to her? And this is why self amusement is so big, learning how to push your own buttons, learning how to gain yourself, but you’re still using
techniques and stuff coming from the wrong
place of mind, you know? Technically you should just
naturally feel like that with or without the girl,
without the technique. That should be your default, and this is what these teachings, Transformation Mastery,
Transformation Mastery Academy, point to and it instead
of poisoning all aspects starts coloring all aspects, you know? It’s like you just enjoy it a lot more. You go out and no longer
having to have this worry, like I remember before
going out it was like a Russian roulette, it’s like
this night could go amazing or be the worst night
ever, please be good, please be good, and it’s
like you’re going to battle. You’re like, here we go. – That’s when guys quit. – Yeah, and it’s so heavy.
– Burns them out. – Well that’s the thing too, it’s like no matter how motivated you are or how much willpower you have, eventually, there’s just
no incentive to continue if it’s so much torture and heaviness. You’re like okay, I can barrel through, but after a while you’re
like, you know what? Fuck this, it’s just not worth it. The ups and downs, the
stress, the self attack, and that’s the worst,
like going home after that and just replaying all that. You suck, like, those are some of
probably the worst nights or days or even months I’ve had. When I was starting out I’d come home and I’d just replay that one interaction, that one thing, that one night, you’re pathetic, how do you
even call yourself a man? You couldn’t even say hi, and then, or you might even know about it, you’re like, okay you’re gonna
blast past the self attack but then you don’t,
you’re like your pathetic for not even blasting past this, and now you’re self
attacking for self attacking and it’s just like this (inhaling), and that’s really the worst. – That’s a lot people too
who see us teach this stuff don’t realize, they think
that we’re trying to teach guys to be sleazy,
they don’t understand that we’re trying to help guys tackle base level social skills here, that are distancing
themselves from the world, and trying to help them to become collaborative with the world and to bring people
together, is the goal of it. It’s not to get one over on anybody. It’s to offer more. – What it really comes down to this need for approval, of validation, which is again, like that need, I need that girl to give me that approval, I need her to complete me, it does go back to your childhood and the way that we’re conditioned. Where a few things happen
and really, let this sink in, number one you come into a society, and in this society and
the world we live in here there are certain rules,
guidelines, and traditions. And this is good, if there were no rules, it’d be fuckin’ chaos, who
knows what would be going on, I mean it is very chaotic now but, it’d just be horrible. So you’re born, there
are rules and guidelines. So your parents. – The movie the Purge or something. – I know there’d be like a purge, but your parents know that,
so your parents have you, and they’re like, okay, here’s our kid, let’s teach our kid these
rules and guidelines, or whoever is raising you. Your primary care taker. That’s one thing. The second thing is that as a kid, you have a very limited
perception of things you don’t know what the world is, you don’t know what countries are, so you can misinterpret things, and you depend on your parents or whoever is raising you to survive, you can’t survive on your own, and the third thing is that the way we’re taught these rules and
guidelines and traditions is that we’re punished when we’re bad and rewarded when we’re good. So those are the three dynamics at play. Combine them together
and here’s what happens. You’re a kid, and I love this example, say you were at a
restaurant and you’re loud. You’re a little too loud, you start screaming and making a fuss. Your parents, or who is raising you, they see that and they’re like okay, here this is not an appropriate, let’s say behavior in this situation, we’re gonna teach our kid to not be loud. Their intentions are good, and they’re just gonna
be hey, don’t be loud. And you might keep going,
like, ha-ha whatever! I’m a kid I don’t give a shit. Don’t be loud, they might
raise their voice a little bit. Now their intentions are good, they’re like if we don’t
teach our kid this shit, it’s, you know, our kids
gonna suffer in life. Now the way you interpret that though is, wow, they just yelled at me,
I’m not being approved of, I’m not being loved. So that’s the way you interpret it. I’m not being loved at this
moment in time because I’m loud. Now if I’m not loved, what can happen? My parents might abandon me,
they might not look out for me, and because I can’t fend
for myself, I will die. So suddenly your survival
instinct kicks in. It’s like oh shit, you’re
at risk of dying right now. You’re no longer loved,
you’re at risk of dying, and going even further, one step further, you start disowning that part of you, disowning that aspect of you that is loud. You’re like okay, if
I’m loud, this is bad, I must never be loud. There’s something bad inside of me. There’s something
unacceptable inside of me. The part of me that is loud, and you create this split within. There is the good acceptable you, and the bad unacceptable you. And this is completely subjective. Like something like loud, could be bad. Being quiet could also be bad. If you’re like, depending
on the household, the environments you’re in as a kid. So we have this split,
and because of this, from the bat, you immediately
believe you’re not good enough because there’s that
bad part inside of you you believe that, I’m only
loved and good enough, when I’m a good little
boy, a good little girl, that’s when I’m good enough. So you never feel complete,
there’s that little void. You start trying to compensate and amplify the good part of you and gather more and more good things, trying to get rid of the bad part. But that stays, that is you. And you start living your life this way, and not just that, but approval, you’re definition of approval, the core belief you form
around approval as a kid is this is my oxygen, if I
don’t get approved of, I’m not loved, I will die. So it’s not just like a fun thing like, get approval, disapproval,
it doesn’t matter. It’s this is oxygen, life
or death, I need approval. Those seeds are planted,
and now you grow up. And here you are, you know,
consciously you know logically, I’m not gonna die if I don’t get approval, yet if you get rejected, it
stings like fucking crazy. – It’s like a grown man
with a full hit puberty, deep voice, big beard, but
still like a little baby. It is crazy, it’s like
yeah, you’re hearing this, you’re like well I know it
doesn’t matter if I get rejected, but your body doesn’t feel that way. You’re out, you’re like, I know
it logically doesn’t matter. It kills you inside. And so much of this, like those responses that are disproportionate to reality, that’s a good way to kind of track this whether it’s being
rejected and just stinging, going through a breakup and
being stung by that for years. Or even having just basic,
what we call approach anxiety, the fear of going to say hi
to, let’s just say a girl. That there, I mean yes it’s
not necessarily comfortable you’re going to say hi to a stranger but it’s not like this life
or death, paralyzing fear, and that’s what we have. We’re like go say hi to her. And that used to be me, and
I see it all the time like, literally a guys clinging
on trying to not go say hi, and you have to like slowly push them over as they’re like, it’s like
jumping out of a fucking plane. – And because you’re about to activate the cortisol and adrenaline. – Yeah. – On this really profound
level, who wants to feel that? I mean it’s like going
to get your teeth cleaned by a really nasty teeth cleaning,
but significantly worse. – Well that’s the other
interesting thing too, it’s why do you even have that
cortisol in the first place? Because logically you know,
what’s the worst thing that could happen going
to say hi to a girl? Nice to meet you. That’s it, not thank
you, nice to meet you. And that’s it. So why is it that we fear and
we have the same adrenaline like I’m jumping off a plane, I may die? Our body feels like if we get rejected the world will explode
or the bar tender’s gonna smash a bottle and jab
us right in the neck. That’s what you feel. That is a disproportionate
response to reality. Where does it come from? Your childhood. And that is also an important part of Transformation Mastery
and this type of work where you have to go back and revisit those traumatic experiences
you went through. And traumatic, what I
want to say here too, ’cause you might be hearing this, well there was nothing
traumatic about my childhood. My parents were great. Yes, but everyone suffers from trauma. Trauma isn’t just some crazy
shit that happens to you. That is traumatic, you
being beaten as a kid, that is traumatic. Being abused as a kid, that is traumatic. You going to war, that is traumatic. An accident is traumatic. But you know what else is traumatic, being lost in a grocery store as a kid. You’re lost and you’re
like where’s my parents, where’s my parents? That’s traumatic. What’s the definition of
something that is traumatic? Something that is too overwhelming for you to handle and process. And overwhelming depends on the
person and their perception. And as I said, you’re a kid, you have a very limited perception. So a common one, linking this to that fear of putting yourself out there
and say talking to a girl, and this is one I had
where I remember in school I forget what age I was, very very young, and a rumor went around that
I liked, you know, this girl. Which was actually true. I liked this girl, and this kids like, that’s the last thing you want
to be made public in class. And it got out, and everyone’s
going up to her like, hey do you know Julian likes you? And everyone’s playfully mocking you. But that felt like I
was about to die, why? ‘Cause my perception was,
the classroom is the world. I didn’t know there was a
world beyond this classroom, that was the entire world. And I’m like, they’re all shaming me, they’re all mocking me. Even if it was playful. And I’m like if I’m
ostracized from this group, from this group, from this classroom, my life is over, the
world is over, I’m dead. It’s not true but I felt that way. Okay, so your survival instinct kicks in and it’s like disown this part of you. Disown the part of you that
puts himself out there, disown the part of you that likes girls, never show anyone that. And then you live your life. – I mean that’s actually why a huge part of even learning about attraction is just learning to own your desire to even go initiate with somebody. You have to teach guys it’s
okay that you have a sexuality. Because even their base
level healthy human sexuality has been stuffed down in this
complete reactive nonsense. – It’s horrible, it’s to the point where that’s also why in the early days of this whole success with women world, there was such a draw towards
what are the secret techniques where I can get the
girl without her knowing that I’m trying to get her? ‘Cause there’s still that fear of I can’t let her know that I like her. How can I get her without
letting her know that I like her? It’s crazy, if you wanna test this, and this also applies to girls by the way, whoever you are, go up to
someone and just tell them, hey, I like you, or hey,
I find you attractive. And if you freeze like crazy doing that, there is trauma around it. And that’s what happens here, it’s like, you know going up you’re not gonna die, it’s gonna be a little
uncomfortable perhaps, why do you have that same fear? ‘Cause that same traumatic
experience as a kid where you’re like never ever embody this, never ever make this a part of you, now you’re in a situation
where it can come up. And that same survival instinct
will kick in but amplified. Why? ‘Cause it’s compounded. Like the effect is way compounded. You’re a kid, you’re like never show it, there’s dread and resistance around it. Every day that passes there’s more and more dread and resistance
around that aspect of you. Similar to if you go out tonight and say you spend a
little bit too much money. You’re like, oh I spent a little too much. You’d rather not check your
bank account the next day to know exactly how much you spent. ‘Cause that stings, you’d rather not know. You know– – I need to fix that too, I get a text every day from my team with what’s in my bank and
in the company coffers, and it took me years to be okay with that. – Yeah, oh it’s horrible,
there’s a meme where it’s like– – It’s actually awesome when you sort of, it’s actually awesome when
you get the, when you check! – It’s the best habit.
– When you do check. – And you also realize when you check, all that resistance is so overblown. – What’s the meme though? – But that’s the meme, it’s like you can’t be broke
if you don’t know about it. (laughing) So you’d rather not check
the bank account the next day ’cause then you don’t know. But then every day that passes
where you don’t check it, and then you’re still
spending money to survive, you know in the back of
your mind like oh man, that like there’s just more
and more resistance around it. Somewhere too, some task
you don’t wanna do everyday where you just put it off,
there’s more and more dread and resistance around doing that task. That also applies to that
aspect of you you disowned. Like never show that I like
a girl, never embody that. More and more dread to
the point where it’s like you literally think you’re gonna explode if you let that out. – If you happen to have watched my work and my progression over the years, maybe you have and maybe you haven’t, I started trying to
learn how to meet people and socialize in 2002. And from 2002 until 2005, I was trying to learn different ideas or
tricks from the internet about how to go and engage with people. So maybe I would memorize a set of lines to spark up a conversation,
maybe ask about an opinion. And usually that would
actually get the ball rolling, so that was pretty cool. And then maybe I would
memorize some stories, and those stories had certain
ideas laced into them. And just by, for someone who’s really still has a lot of hurt inside, that’s a little bit easier
to just kind of run up, and just start saying these things. And I think that sometimes
people will look down on that but if they themselves have
never been in that position of deep hurt and wound, and just desperately
wanting to try something, and knowing that when you walk up you’re gonna probably
completely freeze up, you’re not gonna know what to say, so at least this gives you
something to fall back on, of course that’s very attractive. So that’s like a common way
that guys maybe go online and learn how to engage
and talk with people. But what happened in my case was because I was so gung ho about it, I would just do this again,
and again, and again, and I did this seven days a week, often times in the day and night. Sometimes I would go out
and start talking to people maybe one PM until maybe eight PM, then I’d go grab dinner, and then I’d be like 10
until three in the morning. So I’m doing this day and night. (laughing) Just spouting this stuff, just thinking, I know I’m getting it. And I was getting some really,
really good results with it, and having some cool adventures, but when I realized that I hit sort of a breaking point
was when I realized I can’t walk up to someone
and just say the word hi. I have to start saying these
things that I memorized. And that really really bothered me. And that was what set me on this journey to creating a program I
did called The Blueprint. And The Blueprint was the first time that anyone in our entire community had really done an in-depth look, I mean I think other
people had touched on it, so I don’t wanna take away from a lot of great work out there, but this was something that
was a really in-depth focus on what it would take
to talk to people just in a manner where people,
it would just be you being able to say hi, have
a regular conversation, but still have there be a lot
of chemistry and attraction. And what you learn over time is that if you just accept yourself, and you assume value in yourself, you assume that you have value, rather than needing to self qualify or demonstrate a ton of value. And you can demonstrate some value too, don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t need to be, I don’t like these extremes. But at least if you have a base foundation of assuming your own value, a lot of the time if you just
go up and talk to someone, they find that so
compelling and attractive that you will get, you will generate far more attraction doing that then with all these
stories that you made up and all this stuff where
you’re kind of just walking around wounded
and then just trying to quickly say your thing. And that was why in a lot of ways, with the Neil Strauss
book, The Game, came out, while it was really popular
and got the word out, a lot of people who are
more healed and advanced, would sorta see some of the ideas in there and take some objection to it. Neil himself, evolved
also, and that’s amazing. But that’s where some of
that resistance to it was. So in my own case, I
remember the first time that I tried to just walk
up and say hi to somebody. And my knee started shaking to the point that my knees smashed each other, and I had like bone bruise a little bit on the inside of my knee
because I walked up, I’m like why can’t I just go say hi? This is weird. The funny thing with me is
like I really do take feedback, so when people kinda like
dis me online a little bit, a lot of people get salty about it. What I would do is I would
actually take it as feedback. I viewed it like it’s kinda like coaches. So I’m able to kinda discern between what you’d call a hater, just someone who’s just
trying to be a jerk, versus somebody who’s actually
trying to give me feedback. And sometimes people online
in our chat forms were like Owen, you should be able
to go up and say hi. And I was like, that’s a good point, they’re kinda hatin’ on me a little. (laughing) I’ll take it, right? I figure yeah, this is good feedback. So I would try to do it and
I was like, they’re right! This is not wrong. And I remember the first
three or four weeks of me trying to do this, that the tunnel analogy
that I gave earlier where it’s like you’re
digging down a tunnel and you think that you’re
going down the right tunnel but the problem is you wind up having to walk back up the tunnel, it took me about six months
to just un-wire the habit of running up to engage with people without falling back on my crutch of having these things to say. And I started having to rebuild this based on as you’d call
in TM, authenticity. And so that was able to
get me closer to my goal of what I wanted to get to. And, seeing how terrified I was, I really wanna describe in
detail what this looked like, okay, I want you to really
use your imagination here. I wanna share with you what my experience of this would have looked like. So I would go into a venue, and immediately I assume
that I’m not enough. I’m assuming that I need to convey value, I need to self qualify. So the first lesson that
I got in socializing was just to remove self qualification. That was the very first
thing that I learned. I had this article, it
was called The 25 Points, and the idea of it was just
these 25 different areas that you’d stop self qualifying. Now I don’t agree with everything
that I put in that article 15 years later, but I mean, I just dissected this
on the craziest level. I would say things like, don’t lean in. Which of course now you realize, you could absolutely lean
in to talk to somebody, but it’s really where it’s coming from, so when you’re in that self,
you know you say that a lot, right, so when you’re in
that self qualifying space, and then you lean in, so you have that pit of despair
that you’re talking about, that neediness, and you’re leaning in, and it’s just a bad combo, whereas when you’re doing
great, you can lean in. So it’s amazing how we go through different paradigms, right? Something that could be
wrong at a lower paradigm can actually be awesome
at a higher paradigm. That’s why things like saying hi when somebody who’s at a
lower paradigm tries it, they’re like that could never work! I need every perfect thing to say because if I don’t have that perfect thing to say it never goes well! And they’re like how could
it, how could it go well? I’m not enough! And it is very real to them. And they might think I’m
not attractive enough, and in a lot of cases it kinda make sense. So it becomes quickly believable. So, then what you have, and I really wanna contrast
that with myself now. I mean I’m sitting here, I
got a big pot belly going on, I’m balding, and in general when I go out, and I’ve got a lot of videos about this, you just see me talking
to a lot of people. I’ll be talking to
everybody the whole night, and generally the
responses are just so fun. It’s just these really fun responses. You see in many cases a lot of chemistry being established effortlessly, and, you would think these things
that would be holding me back and you know, balding or having man boobs or things like that, I mean, it could be to the point I’m like, rub my bald head or you know, like, you know, you could suck my man
boob or something like that, these things that would seem so crazy, and they’re just having a ball with it, because this person who is
not needing anything from them who has self love, and who’s sharing that feeling of self love, who’s spreading love,
spreading positivity, they look at that person
in a different way. So from different paradigms,
like if you’re short, and you don’t have self
love, you’re short. If you’re short and you do
have self love, you’re cool. And no one cares. But if you care, they care. And this is why self love is so important. So again, my subjective
experience that you may relate to as you’re watching this, I’m going out, I’m consistently feeling
like I have to self qualify, so just my first year learning
how to talk to people, was just about removing
self qualification. But the thing is with what you’re teaching in Transformation Mastery Academy, you’re not having to
memorize every little area that you’re self qualifying, ’cause that’s how I had to do it, I had to memorize, like, but I had this desperate
feeling to self qualify I’ve identified every area that I do it and then I do this instead, and that’s an interesting way to do it if you wanna do memorization work, but at the same time, you
can also just love yourself, and you generally won’t self qualify or, and here’s the funny thing,
if you do do something that’s self qualifying, it’s
coming from a different space and then it doesn’t matter,
it often doesn’t matter. Nothings 100%. – Trying to not self
qualify is self qualifying. Trying to not be needy is needy. – That’s the thing, right? And I actually really love
what you said there because you study so hard not to be needy, but it’s still coming from that place, and often times you’re this
too cool for school guy who’s still putting up a wall. So when learning to talk to people, what we found is that, often
as people will say be yourself, and that can be a very limiting paradigm, because in a way it’s
almost like a social trick to get guys that don’t
have a lot going for them not to improve. It’s like don’t try to
improve, be yourself. It’s a very, it’s almost like a trick, just getting you not to work on yourself. In some ways the worst advice you could ever get to be yourself, but from another paradigm, the reason why often as people, women particularly will tell men I’d love it if you’d just be yourself. I mean if you’re a woman watching this, I’m sure you have that feeling, I love it when a man will be himself, it’s because the more
that you’re just yourself and love yourself, see maybe
what they should say is love yourself and be yourself, love yourself and be yourself. – Well be yourself, but most guys, and people in general like, aren’t themselves by default. You don’t know what being yourself is. Being yourself is removing all this shit. So it’s not just, I’m gonna be myself, I’m just gonna keep being me right now. That’s not being yourself. Being yourself is when you let go of that, what’s underneath, who are you really? It’s be your authentic self. – Yeah, connect yourself,
love yourself, be yourself. But often times that nuance gets lost, and it’s really crazy to think about myself at 22 learning this, how utterly disconnected I was from the experience of being me. The first guy that ever
drew my attention to it was Neil Strauss actually,
and he said to me, I think you hate yourself, and I was 22, and he’s like, you have self hate. I had never even heard the term self hate, and I remember going home being like, I think this guys just messing, by default you’re on your own team. But ’cause I always thought
at age 22 you’re on team you, ’cause most people in
general are kinda selfish, so how could you hate yourself when in general most people
are, to some extent, selfish? So I must not, I couldn’t hate myself, that was the first time that
I ever even had an instinct that maybe something’s a little bit off. I couldn’t, and here’s the key, I couldn’t see the gap between myself and the cooler guy who loves himself. I was not aware of how that looks. I wasn’t attuned to it at all. Totally disconnected from it. I mean, this is a bit of a side tangent, we’re gonna jump back on the main topic, but with more body awareness, part of why I say this all the time, I didn’t get sick since 2012, I haven’t had a common cold since 2012. Self qualifying, one of the major ways to be
on this great run of just never getting sick is that
I have body awareness. So when I fell cortisol building up, and stress hormones building
up, I know when to slow down. I know how to tweak my body,
I have more self awareness or body awareness now. I have more awareness of if I
have self love or if I don’t, I have that awareness. So part of what we’re trying to teach here in Transformation Mastery Academy is awareness of where you are. You may not even
understand where you stand compared to somebody who is
a natural with social skills. You sort of theoretically understand it, but you’re not able to see the gap. Often times naturals of
social skills had parents who really loved them as a child, and it gave them this
very strong foundation. Or they might have been
physically attractive, it could be say a good looking guy, and he was popular so he
got a lot of social feedback and he has a very very
powerful foundation. But when you haven’t
built that foundation, you wind up the way that I was, going into every venue,
desperately wanna self qualify, it’s almost that feeling
where if you were to make say a Facebook post and there’s one person that criticized it, you
feel this urge to answer. Kevin Durant, a lot
people say the second best basketball player of the world, some people think the best
basketball player in the world. He’s known to go into
his Instagram or Twitter and start a troll war with
people who criticize him. And this legendary guy with
hundreds of millions of dollars, multiple NBA championships, and just permanently in this loop of needing to prove himself and it’s cool because it drives him to excellence in basketball in the same way that my
co dependence or wounds probably drove me to do
a lot of great content. These three hour videos that
people think are too long. And I’m like they just need more! It’s never enough, we’re at two hours, we need another 10 for them to love me. And while that is a long video for people who love the content, they probably appreciate the longer value. So for a guy like myself
or for Kevin Durant, the real secret and art form to this is to keep that momentum that you learned of trying to be excellent
and provide more value from a codependent place, love yourself but keep that
momentum of creativity, keep that momentum of excellence, but now coming from a different place, ’cause the problem is if you’re always coming from a place of self qualifying, eventually you just run out of gas. You’re like, you’re just so
sick of getting peoples approval and then a lot of those
people wind up quitting. They’re like, I’m just
sick of it, I’m quitting! That’s why a lot of YouTube
creators quit YouTube, funny other side point there. They quit YouTube because they’re
sick of the approval loop. They need to get away from it. ‘Cause I’ve often said to friends of mine that quit YouTube for a while, I say why don’t you just make
a two year backlog of videos, don’t look at your comments, and then just go on vacation
so that you don’t lose, like mess up your channel. And they’re just like,
no, I just need to unplug, I just need to unplug,
’cause they’re so sick of it. Or guys who go to work on socializing, they’re like I just gotta stop doing this, because they’re in this roller coaster, and so they quit, and that’s
why it’s so important to find, to build that foundation,
to create self love so that you have a
foundation to keep going. So in Transformation Mastery, it’s really about
building that foundation. And as I learned about
things like healing trauma or about bringing up self love or bringing up healing energies, this is stuff that’s really
weird, you know, right? Like healing energy, what’s that? But if you think about it, as
a kid, what is a kid getting? A kid is getting hugs, kisses,
attention, love, approval, and, I was talking about this earlier, it’s never been clear to me
if this whole thing of love is just sorta like this neurosis
that young people get into adulthood if they
don’t get, you know, a certain social feedback, or, and this is a little bit more out there, and you could sorta take
either position on this, and that’s cool, is love almost this
energy from the divine, from like another dimension that parents bring into their children as
this ultimate act of creation and they feed the children with that love, and ideally there’s like a bubble bubble of love (laughing) you know, and that bubble of love, and I know this is getting out there, but I know that no matter
what your belief system is, I know that you can at least
relate to this to some extent, so take whatever extent
you can relate this with, but imagine yourself as someone
with a strong foundation, as there is that feeling
of love inside you. In this case we call it self love, and you have that stable foundation, and it’s protected, it
doesn’t have these holes. Like a guy like Kevin Durant, he probably has a lot of self
love, but there’s a hole. Maybe it’s lack of
approval, lack of control, or he doesn’t feel safe, or he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen, and like it gets at him and it messes with that feeling of safety
and happiness, right? And the best way that
I could describe this is if you’ve ever gone out
for a night of socializing on the night when it did go well, think of the sense of euphoria or peace that you felt at the end of the night. I’ve noticed that I will go
out at the start of the night, looking at myself in the mirror, all that I can notice
is that I’m going bald, or I’m pasty skin, and
I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see. And by the end of the night,
this is really weird stuff, but a lot of people have said back to me that they’ve seen this. You come back at the end of the night after you’ve had a great
time with everybody. You feel physically healed, like, if you for example maybe
were coming down with a cold or a fever, you’ve
released so much cortisol and put so much healing
energy in your body, from that nice night of
connecting with people that that sickness even goes away. Any dark thoughts that
you’ve been having go away. You feel more present to
the moment, Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, if you’ve read that, buddhism, eastern philosophy,
presence to the moment, and also you look in the mirror,
here’s the big funny one. You look in the mirror
and you look good looking. And of course a lot of
people watch this and be like how could that be, and I get
that, totally understand, but if you could just try this experience just give yourself a
chance to experience this, this is really about you, try
going out, look in the mirror, and it’s almost like your face relaxes, your eyes get a little bit softer, and you look different in the mirror. And this is why a guy who
may not be traditionally physically attractive can be
absolutely radiant to a woman when he has that self love. Now he can achieve that
in two different ways. One is if he kind of finagles
his way through a night of just great reactions, and that gives you a taste for it, it gives you your first sort
of taste of how that could feel but you had to kinda generate it and it’s on this rocky foundation, you can probably do it
one night out of five or one night out of three, or you can take programs like
Transformation Mastery Academy and that genre in general and
build that stable foundation build that self love and feel like that a lot more of the time. So if I was to look at my own life through this type of work
that we’re teaching in this what I feel is when I was
younger if I felt here and I got to here, maybe
through a night of going out, I’d probably feel maybe
up here now all the time and then maybe get to there
when I socialize, right? So your baseline of self love, your baseline of happiness goes up. As you heal these old wounds,
as you bring in self love, bring in presence, bring in healing, and I mean, a lot of
this is what allows us to be public speakers at you know, if you’ve ever seen,
maybe you like our stuff, maybe you don’t. If you’ve made it this far hope you do. Otherwise I don’t know
why you made it this far, good job, but you know,
if you like our stuff, then you’ve seen us in audiences
with big crowds and whatnot well what is it that’s
attracting that, right? And it’s funny ’cause
I think a lot of people who lack self love and live
in this darker paradigm, they’re like they got everyone there with all the promises and it’s like, bro, a lot of people are
here because they feel a feeling that they connect to, when they connect to this content, and our goal as teachers is
to summon that positive energy so that when people watch our content they feel present to the
moment, they feel a buzz. And I mean, what inspired
me to do this frankly, was people like Eckhart
Tolle, who is an incredible teacher of mine, I’ve been
to many of his live events. And I would watch Eckhart Tolle’s content, or even reading his book
to be honest with you, and I just felt very present, that my mind would become
more still, and calm. And then I also got this from
going out and socializing, and then I also got this and sort of was able to cement it and
make it more permanent through the work that you’re teaching in Transformation Mastery, and that was why I became
so passionate about this. It was such a big deal,
and so related to guys that are getting success with women, and that wasn’t to take away from any of the methods or anything, it’s not this either, it’s
amazing how people make it this either or, when it’s
really more about just, it’s not either or, anybody
who tells you this is bad and this is good, I have a bit
of a different interpretation I’d like to share with you. To me what it is is we call
it integrate and transcend. Integrate and transcend,
like Russian dolls, where there’s different layers to you, you’re like an onion and you’re growing, and that’s amazing. And what happens is, maybe if
at the start of your journey you needed a lot of memorized stories, maybe now you don’t need to memorize story to go socialize with somebody, but that essence of just
sharing of yourself, of talking, of sharing your world, that is still there, but
you don’t need to kind of go in as this wounded person, like, you know, like this thing, but instead you could go in
in a more relaxed manner. And often times when
you feel like that too, you might even take a pause
when you talk to somebody and I call that a vacuum,
a conversational vacuum, and you just look at them, and they feel, and again, getting a little out here, or a little out there here,
but they feel that self love, ’cause when you take that pause,
and you just look at them, and that pause that you take,
when you really love yourself, it’s basically a vacuum, rather than needing to
talk and talk and talk, they feel in that pause and in your gaze that you love yourself
and they become attracted to start initiating with you. So you see all these guys that are like, I need to learn how to talk more, I need to learn, well you don’t
love yourself necessarily, I mean, I don’t wanna be extreme here, but just that general idea,
you could improve self love, so of course you need to keep talking, ’cause the second you stop,
they look in your eyes, they see that darkness
that we’re talking about, that emptiness. But when you feel it up, you don’t need to memorize everything,. And this is where so many
guys get a confusion between what you’re teaching versus
maybe the earlier ideas in our community because it’s not that those ideas are wrong, but
it’s that when you level up, the paradigm itself changes. And it’s just such a powerful thing. So you go from what I describe earlier, where you get into a venue, and you’re thinking how to self qualify, and everybody’s against
you and you’re trying to finagle your way through it, to just loving going
out, sharing good energy. You’re really just there to
help people and offer value. Like when you walk up to somebody, you feel good and you
wanna make them feel good. It’s not a skeavy thing or
getting one over on anybody, you’re actually just an awesome guy. And when, and, any time that we’ve brought
out female friends of ours, got a lot of amazing female friends, and they see us going to talk to people, they’re like this is awesome. We need more guys like you. Train the guys to love themselves, and to come share and to
come spread good vibes. This is what we want,
we don’t want those guys who are kinda needy and
trying to get one over. They want that guy who
already loves himself and is sharing and doesn’t
make a big deal out of it if it goes one way or the other. All that creepy stuff that you hear about guys learning social skills is really coming from that other paradigm, where they’re trying to feel a hole. And would you wanna be part of that? Would you wanna be on the receiving end of somebody doing that? That’s not to now, look, even if you’re at that
place, start socializing, you gotta do it, you
gotta start somewhere. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But we just wanna show you the direction to get way better results
so you can be happier and you can keep moving up
or trying to show direction, and we’re trying to shortcut
your learning curve here. So that was why this was so important to bring in and put it in the mix. Because again, I was going down
the wrong tunnel for years, had to dig back out, fix
a lot of really bad habits and we wanna get you on that
stable foundation right away, move you up to that higher paradigm, sooner rather than later. You’re gonna have to do this either way, there’s very few people
who learn this stuff and don’t eventually come
to these conclusions, so we just wanna get you there faster, and give you a happier life. – That’s funny ’cause you’re
mentioning that tunnel and that was what I went through too where I started out
towards, in the history of this success with women world, in the early days, as you said, there was a lot of memorizing
like different stories, or things you’ve said or like routines. And I was like towards the end of that, but I started off like
memorizing some routines, and I also to go through that
process of unwinding that, and as you said, it can
be helpful at first. Like if you’re someone who has just, you have no idea what to say, you’re like, I freeze, I have nothing, it can help you get a few
references under your belt, but you reach that tipping point where, now you got those references, it’s time to let go of that tool, it’s served it’s purpose,
it’s now time to be real, but you double down on the routines, you will have to unwind and
let go of all those habits. And that was so hard to do. I would try, I remember I was like, okay, today, no routines. And I’d go out and I’d talk, and the nervousness would
start coming up that as you said, you sooner or
later will have to confront this and let go of it. And I was like, let me
just go back to routines. And like I would stagnate, and I just couldn’t break
that, it took forever. – Or you can’t take the
gap in the conversation. Like if that vacuum
comes up, you’re like– – Oh yeah, well that’s the other one, so there’s, in the
spiritual world there’s, let’s just say three, these
are very famous paradigms. So there’s the having
paradigm, the doing paradigm, and the being paradigm. And the way that we’re conditioned, a lot of us associate our
self worth to what we have. So for example, if you
have a lot of money, you’re like okay, I’m confident, and I am of value ’cause
I have a lot of money. I’m of value ’cause of my
looks, the looks that I have, the friends that I have, the,
you know, stuff that I have. Then as you move up, you
kind of let go of that and this is where a lot
of people get stuck, where now they attach their
self worth to the doing. It’s like my value is in the doing, the fact that I can
talk and talk and talk. So as soon as they stop talking, they’re like my value’s dropping, ’cause the value’s in the action, and that’s when they’re just like compulsively taking action like that. And they can’t accept, yeah, and let go and move up
to that other paradigm, where no, the value’s just in me being me. – That would even be a cool
thing for you to explain too, the compulsion fixation phonetic energy and why that’s low vibration. – Yeah, well it’s the– – As opposed to ease and
sharing and taking the pause. – Well that’s the difference
where we talked about, you talked about that baseline where if you want to, a general
way, if you’re in it, you could say there’s scarcity, abundance. Or you could say low
vibration, high vibration. If you’re in abundance,
and you’re just going up, nothings really compulsive, ’cause you’re not falling
back to something. And that’s what causes the compulsion. If you’re in scarcity,
everything you’re doing is some kind of escape or some aim to get to somewhere better. And there’s always that constant fear of I’m being pulled back,
I’m afraid of falling back. So it’s like talk, talk,
talk, if I stop talking, I fall back. So it’s this constant compensation. And that’s what you wanna let go of. And it’s crazy too how when
you change the foundation, the place it’s coming from, although yes, there are skills
when it comes to socializing, it does eliminate a lot of
skills that you don’t need. You know? Like the way it works
is, when I go out now, the skills I have are
meant to help me connect on a deeper level with the person, but there’s a lot that
I don’t need anymore. I remember back in the day, not just like, memorizing lines, but I would
have all these techniques to say not run out of things to say. And it yeah, it would work, I would not run out of things to say, I would keep myself talking, but now that I’ve let go
of a lot of the trauma that say was effecting my self esteem, my sense of self worth,
what I thought I deserved, I just don’t get stifled anymore, and I just by default, never
run out of things to say. A good example here is, you know, when you talk to someone you believe is in your own league bracket, you don’t run out of things to say. Someone you feel like,
oh they’re on my level, you can just flow, or
someone you even think like, oh, I’m way outside their
league, you just flow. – And you don’t put on the
character shtick as much. – Yeah. – You look normal, like
yourself, instead of, hey, hey, hey! – And that’s what happens
when you talk to someone you believe is outside your league. You go up you’re like
(gasping) oh my god, this, I’m not worthy, and suddenly you freeze. – You either freeze or become a try hard. – Yeah, you become extremely
try hard, start qualifying, and then yes, you do need
skills to stop self qualifying or to not freeze, but
when you do this work, you just never encounter
that situation again. So you don’t even need that. And now everyone just
becomes, oh I can just be me, you can enjoy the interactions,
you can see the people for who they truly are,
and that’s a big one. When you’re coming from lack,
there’s a lot of projection. – You see the facade,
you see the halo effect, you see all the, you know,
the makeup, the hair, you’re too focused on this image, you get duped by their social media. – Well it’s bad for you but also bad for say the girl you’re saying hi to. ‘Cause she’s like, wow, this
guy’s not even viewing me for who I truly am, he’s viewing
me as some kind of object that he can use to try to enhance himself and fill that void. – Take vibe. – Yeah, it’s so. And as soon as you let go
of that, you stand out. One of my favorite analogies
was the millionaire and the club analogy. Where a lot of girls, guys
are coming up to them, and it’s like these poor people coming up just trying to get a bit of your money. It’s like, they’re the millionaire
surrounded by poor people and some guys will come up
and try to be very nice, but there’s always that agenda behind it. Or guys will come up and
try to be a little mean. But there’s always that agenda. Guys will even come up try to be fun, but there’s still that
agenda to get the money, and the girls know that, they
know that they’re being used, and they’re not being viewed
for who they truly are. When you do this kinda
work, and you feel great, and there’s not that neediness, you feel comfortable,
you can see past that, you can see her for who she truly is, you’re like that other
millionaire who walks up, and it’s like, thank god, finally. And things just take off from there. – That’s why celebrities
hang out with each other, and business owners hang
out with each other. And you know I would even
go so far as to say that there’s people who would take objection to what’s being said here, for example, one thing
that people would say is, well, you don’t wanna have it in your head when you go into an environment, do I love myself, do I not love myself, and it puts you too in your head. Or they’ll say, it just shouldn’t matter, just know exactly what you’re gonna do and then just go do it. My response to that
would be the following. First of all, often times people who use alcohol to socialize will say that. And they fill that gap of lack
of self love with alcohol. They cannot socialize without alcohol. Often times they become
actually alcoholics. The other analogy is
people who are so distanced from their feelings such
as, not to be outlandish, but people maybe with sociopathy, people with dark triad personality traits who don’t feel emotions. So for example, somebody sociopathic and they hear this whole thing, this literally sounds like gobbledygook. Like somebody who lacks empathy and is completely disconnected
from their feelings, ’cause keep in mind,
about 4% of the population has a degree of sociopathy,
because on one side you have em paths that are extremely empathetic, like let’s save the whale,
just like every little thing, they’re crying at the pain of the world, and then you have everybody
kind of in the middle, and then you have the other extreme end, which is people that are
corporate tycoon that floods the oil in the city
and ruins the water supply and kills the whales just
like (evil laughter), so there’s different sides of it. And so, there is people on that side of it who if you look at them they clearly feel very little emotion,
they don’t laugh very much, they don’t have a lot of
expression in their eyes, they have dead looking
flat eyes, a flat demeanor. If you joke in front of
them they’re kind of like, just this forced laugh
and don’t care about it. So if you talk about
stuff like this to them, it just seems completely outlandish, and they can’t connect to it. So we’ve had friends over the years, who we talk about stuff like this and they’re more on that sociopathy side, and still like ’em, but I’m just saying, they have that, and this
sounds a little bit crazy, so this is definitely good content, if you’re in that last
10% of just a sociopath, this is not something that’s of any use, because you don’t even have emotions, that would be a bigger conversation of seeing if you could heal sociopathy, and unfortunately it’s been
pretty well documented, people with dark triads don’t
generally want to heal it. They actually like the way they are so they’re not likely to heal. That’s a pretty big, or a
pretty different conversation, but ironically a lot of people also have, ironically alcoholism or drug use, and sociopath’s often times interlinked, because sociopaths can’t feel
their emotions very well, and so what happens with
them is that they drink, because at least they can feel something, and then they want to win because they’re so disconnected
from their emotions, they don’t form personal
relationships very well, they can lie very easy, so winning, like imagine if
you felt no emotions at all, it was just like very minimal emotion, well then you’d hear anything about this, it would sound crazy, but in
addition, you just wanna win, because logically that
creates a purpose for life. ‘Cause you’re not feeling
your feelings that much but at least you can win. And then from there, if
you put alcohol in the mix, now it’s like, well I’m winning, and I’m drunk so at least I
feel something from the alcohol, and I’m winning. So this kinda content is good, this is great content for if
you’re at this point where just you’re just crazy, or
more logical than us all, then basically, ’cause
gotta a share of you both, then at that point its
not needed to heal things, ’cause you don’t feel anything. But if you are somebody who feels, if you’re somebody who
walks into an environment, and feels a little bit afraid, or if you’re somebody who
walks into an environment and you’re not gleaming with happiness, if you’re not somebody, if you don’t, if you just feel that kind of lack or feelings of confusion
when you go to socialize, then yes you have to be healed. And that’s well over,
that’s about 95% of people. And likewise if you’re not using alcohol, because alcohol is, I mean, alcohol to me is almost like
caffeine with a bad vibe. If you eat a really bad
north American diet, of course you’ve got pile on caffeine, ’cause it’s like you’re missing potassium, you’re missing end all
three carvedilol, silvers, vitamin, micronutrients,
all this stuff is missing, so you just crank down coffee. It’s almost like the
engines all messed up, so you just put the nitro in,
right, just to get it to run. Alcohol is what most human
beings use to socialize, because they’re messed up
and it will just slightly poison them to shut off that part, but the problem with alcohol, the great irony with alcohol is that, and this is why we’re not big on it, obviously anything in
moderation is for most people, but we’re not big on it because what happens with chronic
alcohol use is one is that it runs down your health,
it’s not sustainable, it’s not a way to learn how
to socialize with people, like you wanna learn social
skills where you can apply it sustainable every day of your life. – Well you also always need more. It’s like at first you need one or two drink to quiet that shit, but then you become used to it, so then it’s like now
it’s three, not it’s four, now it’s five, and then you just black out and you can’t even function. – Yeah, it’s like the
caffeine where you could have bad sleep, bad diet, bad health, stress, but you still have all
this energy from caffeine, but the problem is it
depletes you more later. If you don’t learn to heal this stuff and you’re masking it with a bandaid, that alcohol’s actually gonna
probably create more self hate ’cause it’s letting in
a lot of negativity. That’s why guys at the end of the night, and the start of the night,
they’re having fun drinking, by the end of the night a lot
of them are getting in fights, they’re crying, they’re
drunk dialing their ex, they’re going home with someone
they shouldn’t go home with, they’re crashing cars. – That’s another example too of the, going down the wrong tunnel ’cause, say you use the alcohol and
you start even getting results or even getting into a relationship. Yeah you might be thinking I’m winning, but no, ’cause there is
a part of you that knows you could not be with that
person without the alcohol, and you feel even less of a person, ’cause you needed the alcohol. The same as if you go out and you just can’t drop that shtick or drop that front, you’re
not getting experiences of people liking you
for who you truly are, you’re continuously reinforcing yourself, they only like me for the front. They only like me when I’m like this, and you feel even worse
and worse as a person. And those are the two, let’s just say, if you wanna generalize it,
big tunnels you can go down, when it comes to socializing,
success with women, is one that will save you, the other will fuckin’ destroy you. You’ll see it, like people
will come out on this just amazing and others
will just be crushed, or just let their egos take
over and just get run down, and just feel worse, and might have been better off just never finding out about this, ’cause they never took
the time to dive deeper, they just double down, and
double down, and double down, going down that wrong fuckin’ tunnel. – I mean that’s a whole
other, that’s like, beyond the scope of this video, but we could make a lot of
videos on the topic of when the actual spark of the
person just goes away, and ego literally just takes over, and is rutting the person. And only through the greatest
pain will that get cracked and let in a little bit of sunshine. Something so horrible has
to happen to let that in, and it’s to the point
that they’re in a trance. It’s a lot like, I mean, a bit of a cheesy example,
but if you’ve seen Star Wars, when Anakin Skywalker gets
possessed by the Darkside, and by the end of it he’s like, I don’t trust you, I don’t believe you. And even though, and then he winds up killing the mother of
his kids inadvertently, and then creates Luke Skywalker and some good stuff happens, and then later Luke
Skywalker gets taken over by a CW propaganda Star
Wars, and becomes pathetic. (laughing) That’s another video too! But, the main idea being that there’s, you want to be moving forward
and gaining (laughing) and gaining abilities
in such a manner that you are coming out
gleaming with positivity. Gleaming with natural radiance, gleaming as somebody that
people want to be around. As you raise in your vibration or raise in your level of energy, other people will look at you
in many ways as super human. There will be a halo effect around you to where people see you as
being different from them, and people will get very
much in reaction to you. – Yeah, the comment you should be getting, and this is when you know
like, wow, it’s coming through, is there’s something different about you. I get this multiple times a night, multiple times a day, every single day. I always hear it, it’s
like, wow, you know what? I really like you, there’s
something different about you. – And the just say, you’re awesome! And by the way, it’s
unfortunate to have to sit here and self qualify to explain it, you and I could make
a compilation of films of nights that we’re out,
you’re awesome, you’re amazing, I love you, you’re the best,
everyone else here’s a loser, you’re incredible! And it’s just this praise,
now when you’re new, and you have your first
few experiences like that, you’re like, wow, that was
quite a strong reaction, you might be just be sitting at a table, and there might be a
woman with some other guy, who just blows him off and
rushes over to sit beside you and like you’re amazing. And you’re thinking, what? How can this happen? But I can’t replicate
this result on command, but it’s happening throughout the night. And that was why, a lot of people wonder why we’re so keen on this material, why we push people into
Transformation Mastery, and why we want them to
be say part of a group like Transformation Mastery
Academy, where it’s ongoing, those kind of results are commonplace. That’s not an unusual result. And I don’t care what the guy looks like, guys of any type of looks or background, when they fix this, can
get results like that. That doesn’t mean that you
still don’t have to have a game plan to maybe move
an interaction forward. If you want that
interaction to move forward, you would need a game plan of how to take all that great chemistry, and how well you’re
relating with each other, and kind of move that forward
to something more intimate if you’re looking to meet a partner. But, it creates a heck of a
lot of chemistry and rapport in a way where there’s not
a lot of pressure on you and the result is you’re kinda
just walking through life feeling good, people reacting well to you, and instead of life sometimes
feeling like a nightmare, where it feels very
competitive, against everybody, a need to win, it becomes very
collaborative, and win-win. It’s not about being the winner, it’s about creating win-wins. Its about feeling that love in yourself, sharing it with others,
and creating a win-win to where people that meet
you are like you’re amazing, I’m so happy I came out tonight, and that we got to meet,
that’s the craziest thing. And the whole misunderstanding
of a lot of the stuff that we taught over the years is that they come from that lower paradigm thinking it’s about to
get one over on people, it’s about making other
people have such a great time, it’s so win-win, it is
spreading so much positivity, and it’s motivating guys to go in and heal a lot of bad baggage that’s
making their life miserable, so you take something like
getting out and connecting with people as this huge
motivator for a lot of guys, and all of the sudden you’re
taking that motivation, getting them to work on their baggage, and present positivity,
and then people wonder why, people come to our seminars
and everybody’s freaking out saying thank you, thank you, when you combine the fact that
you’re radiating good energy and then the fact that
you’ve helped peoples lives, of course that’s gonna be happening. – Let’s just say, you’re someone who right now you just can’t drop the shtick or you can’t drop that front. And you’re putting on this front, you know it’s not truly you,
you’re hiding parts of you, there’s that constant paranoia and worry, and that’s what I
remembered from back then it was like I would go out,
and I was wearing this front, and I knew the real me, like I’m not good enough as an entirety, I can only portray this side of me. And I would not only have to get validation to validate that front, but there was always that worry
of them seeing through it. So I was constantly going out trying to put bits out and
just trying to get approval, validation wherever I could,
and I always worried like, did they see who I truly am? I feel like an imposter, oh my god, I’m an imposter under this skin. And that’s how a lot of
people feel, like an imposter. And you can’t win. – Imposter syndrome is massive. – But even then on the relationship side, like say you meet a girl
and you put on that front, and you’re able to maintain
it, and you hit it off. That won’t leave, in the
relationship it then gets worse. You’re not in a relationship then, you’re in a personal
hell, a prison of hell, where you can’t truly be who you are. You’re still putting on a front. Like, say you take me, my
humors pretty fucked up, as everyone knows, if I
go and say meet someone, and I hide that, I’m like you know what? My humors not like that, I
don’t think that’s funny. And say we get along, and then we decide to take things further, I’ll never be able to bring that out, and it’s always like there’s this front, I’m walking around on
eggshells, I never feel at ease, and it’s just never real. And eventually that’ll pop, so it will poison that relationship. When a relationship is say, healthy, is when you’re actually you. You can fully be you as if you know, it’s you sitting at home
here, say for example, you wouldn’t have any problem
with your partner walking in. You’d feel completely at ease, and that’s when things are
actually what they should be, what a relationship should be like. That’s just on the feelings side. The other interesting part, which you mentioned in the
beginning with the whole codependent narcissistic side of things, and once more a quick breakdown is say as a kid, and through the
way that we’re conditioned, we all believe this,
as I mentioned before, you know my parents
don’t love me at times, it’s this back and forth, there’s two ways of coping with that. One is that you become
the extreme codependent people pleaser trying to
get approval everywhere, the other is the more narcissistic like, you know what, fuck
approval, I don’t need it, I’m gonna go that route. And there’s of course extremes, but everyone is one side of the spectrum, maybe closer to the middle, maybe further, and the more you do this type of work, the closer you will move to the middle. But typically in most
relationships there’s one of each. It’s like the narcicisstic will be attracted to the codependent, the codependent will be
attracted to the narcissistic. Why? Because each have traits that the others have disowned, and seeing those traits in the partner, causes that attraction, that
need to say, feel whole again. So you will constantly
be attracting the two, and there’s that polarity. Now, a lot of times there are too, there’s a lot of friction a lot of drama, especially if it’s
farther on the spectrum, and relationships don’t stick. Going even deeper, another thing that’ll effect your relationships are different patterns that
you’re repeating in your life that you learned from your parents, how their relationships were,
self sabotage that you have, that’s another big one even
in terms of the interaction, how much we push things
away and just fuck it up. You’ll do that with relationships
until you address this. And some common things, yeah
some common things that I see– – It’ll create a lot of chaos. – It’s horrible. Super common, I’m sure you can relate, this is something I talk about
with 99% of my Skype clients where they just keep falling
for the wrong partner. It’s like, here, this is a
recent one that really stands out so amazing guy, extremely successful, life handled, professional
side, just solid smart. And this guy is more in
the codependent side, and he keeps falling for these girls who are extremely narcicisstic, these girls who cheat on him,
these girls who are distant, these girls where he just
can’t ever trust them, so on and so forth, now there is a pattern based on his childhood where
there are massive trust issues where he’s like, there’s always
that fear of being betrayed, of being cheated on, of
being taken advantage of, and because of that,
he’s constantly on edge, can’t fully trust his partner, and is always looking for reasons for them actually betraying him. And the interesting part is,
that’s the only type of person, like he hates it, it’s
eating him up inside, but that’s the only person
he feels attraction for. And I made him sink into this, I’m like okay what if you met someone who you knew for a fact, say the
universe signed a contract, God signed a contract saying, that person will never betray
you, they will love you. He’s like, no! He needed that narcissistic,
’cause there’s that polarity and all his relationships
would just end in drama, he would feel heartbroken, it’d just be this repeated
pattern of pain and suffering. – I hope people too, by the way, well I don’t wanna interrupt your point, but I hope that people
too can truly appreciate the depth to which this goes because, I mean, if you were to
walk around a public place, and just walk up to 20 people and just go, and walk up to all 20 and just go. (scoffing) You would see a certain percentage that light up and jump onto you. Physically jump onto you, and that is so counterintuitive
that that could exist. And I think we can hear
that and sort of brush it under the rug, like you kinda
hear that like, you know, you walk up to 20 people and go, and that a percentage
would just jump on you as if an actual magnet. But what this is is, what
was this fellows name again? The human magnet syndrome? – Ross Rosenberg. – Ross, Ross– – Rosenberg. – Ross Rosenberg, who’s
incredible, incredible videos, and he calls that the
human magnet syndrome, and it’s to where if the person is appearing like a narcissist, if someone is codependent,
they just jump onto them. They just jump onto them, and
you’ll see this on women’s social media and Instagram where they’re often times
perpetually complaining about their jerk narcissistic ex, and then they get another one, and they do the same thing again, and they get another one
and do the same thing again. I mean you can hear women
such as say Nicki Minaj, who I’m sure for a
large percentage of men, she would certainly have her niche, would just cut their arm
off to be dating her, and she’ll have songs saying,
can I just find real love? Can’t someone just love, you’re like, if you can’t get love, what
do the rest of women have? Like if you can’t, like
that’s just offensive. Inadvertently right, she’s
trying to be relatable, but like if you’re Nicki Minaj
and you can’t get a boyfriend who just loves you, what
hope do other people have? But the bigger issue is, when there’s, ’cause see it’s funny as a man, if you meet a girl and she
says, I just want love, you’re thinking, I would love to love you, that would be amazing. But it’s possible that she feels physically nothing from that, because when she says I wanna be loved, what she may mean, and I’d
really get your take on this, maybe I wanna chase a love
that’s always slightly out of grasp, and if you’re a guy, you would have your own version of this. – Most relationships aren’t
based on actual love, it’s like this craving and you’re getting a certain drug hit. If you take that guy who’s
on the more co dependence, she was the more narcicisstic,
it can also be reversed. He was getting a certain hit out of that, like he hated it, he was
like I can’t believe this is happening in all these relationships, but there was that part of
him that needed that hit of she’s gonna betray me, I can’t trust her. And I made him sink into this, like what if the girl you
knew she would trust you? He felt repulsed. And that’s the crazy thing. The relationship that
would actually be healthier and more, well healthier,
and more sustainable for you, is one you can’t even feel, like, you won’t even feel
attraction for those people, because past trauma and that
conditioning is running you. – Trauma craves to be refueled. – Yeah. – I mean again that’d
be a whole other video, ’cause that’s just, we could
make many videos about that. The trauma just craves refueling, the way that your body
might crave candida. – But that’s the thing, he needs that hit, but she does too, she
needs that codependent hit, where she’ll push, like pull away, and like, she’s like I’m texting my ex, she’s texting her ex until he would say, assert a boundary, he
was like, you know what? No, I can’t deal with this. And then she would get her hit, from chasing it back, getting him back, and the whole pattern would repeat, and repeat, and repeat, and I know this, ’cause I went through
that for a while myself. As I mentioned was a little bit more on the narcissistic side, that’s how I coped with it. I’ve let go of a lot and I’m
much more in the middle now, but I’d say still overall
on the narcissistic side. (laughing) You’re like yeah. – Prodigy. – There’s tendencies here and there. But just know my way
of coping with things, like if something does happen, like, I don’t need them, like
that would be my default. But what I noticed is, back
in the day when it was truly more towards the further
side, I would get my hit. That was a relationship,
my relationship was, there has to be some kind of drama, some kind of them chasing me. If things were too well,
if things were nice, I don’t resonate with
that, and it wasn’t love, it was I need my hit, I
need my hit, I need my hit. And what you’ll notice too is the more you work on yourself with say, teachings in Transformation
Mastery Academy, the more you’re gonna change that, you could call it polarity inside of you, the more you’re gonna
start feeling attracted to different types of people. And the partners who
you currently have this agreement with of
getting each others hits, like say my client, he
started working on himself, and suddenly he was like, you know what? I started feeling attraction for this girl and this girl and now we’re,
he’s in a great relationship, and that girl who was on
the more narcissistic side, she couldn’t get her
hit off of him anymore. And eventually she branched off too. That’s how you kind of let go of it and outgrow the vicious cycle
of get my hit, get my hit. – Well and that’s what
you do ultimately is, heal yourself, raise your vibration, ’cause you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are,
and attract another person, who’s, no one’s perfectly healed, but who’s more healed, you’re more healed, you’re both in a higher vibration, and this is why I think a lot of guys– – You wouldn’t see
otherwise or resonate with, or even feel attraction for otherwise. Like they’re there, if you’re
like someone who’s like, I never find the right
person, where are they? – That’s the big thing
they say in Self Up, your compass is off. – Yeah, they’re there,
you just don’t see them, or you don’t resonate with them, ’cause there’s a part of
you that doesn’t want it. And that’s the thing. – And by the way, if
you don’t believe that, show our videos to friends of yours, and see which ones resonate with it, who’s compass would even
watch this type of content, and see how many of your friends are just, these are not the droids, they can’t, you know like Star Wars, these are not the droids
you’re looking for, like they physically can’t watch it. So what you’re trying to do is
you’ve gotta fix your picker, so you fix your, a lot of
people in healing will say, don’t get in another relationship, heal yourself, raise your vibration, now you resonate with somebody
who will be less chaotic, and you’re pickers better,
that gives you a better shot. That’s why so many people
learn success with women, initially wanna have more adventures, but later really love it
and enjoy a relationship because they found somebody
around that same level, and it’s such a shame too,
and people who don’t believe in relationships or people
even in our community who may not believe a
relationships possible, because they’re so much in that paradigm, it’s not even real to them. – Yeah, well people get caught
in that compulsiveness with, more and more women, and that’s
why they can’t ever settle, ’cause as soon as they
settle they’re like, I need the next one, I’m
losing my value as a person, more and more and more, and
it’s like this compulsive, you know, like, you’re being
run, you’re a slave to this, it’s like your drug, you’re drug addicts. – But ironically a lot of
guys who used to teach this like take Eben Pagan,
Eben Pagan is incredible, and he wound up getting married, and a lot of people in the success with women community are like, oh marriage, lame! But if I look at the
people who I really admire, the people that I look up to, one would be say, Eben Pagan,
he’s called David DeAngelo, incredible guy, he wound
up getting married. That doesn’t mean to get,
that you have to get married, but at least break this pattern
that we’re talking about. Marriage, that’s up to you. Likewise Tim, who used to
be in Real Social Dynamics, and he wound up, he was someone who I’ve always admired tremendously, and wound up just getting
married to a great girl, now sometimes I don’t necessarily like to give these examples, ’cause sometimes I feel like the way, kinda funny side point, they did a book called Good to Great, where they examine these
incredible companies, and they kinda gave a framework
for incredible companies but some of those companies
have since failed. So it kinda discredits the book, Good to Great by Jim
Collins, a little bit, in some of these cases
maybe Eben will go down in some fiery divorce
and it’s the nightmare. – People watching this five years later. Publicly divorced, be like those two guys. – So you know, and that may happen, and also people change and evolve. So think of the marriage
thing whatever you want, but at the very least recognize that most of the guys who came
through the success with women community who I really
admire were not people that were coming from a dark place drinking alcohol, sociopathic, and just trying to crank down
numbers to prove a point, the people who I always admired, they were learning about
attraction and socializing to come together as a way
to empower themselves, not because they’re being
run by this dark energy, just constantly running on a treadmill. So those are like the
legit dudes who I saw as, because to me the metric
isn’t just a number, it’s about true happiness. And of course we’ve gotta
be able to produce results, and you gotta have the goods, but you also have to be
happy while doing it. Did this make you happy? Well how come in often times in the success with women community people will talk about shallow metrics, they won’t say, are you happier now? Do you love your life? Do you live a great life? It’s like if someone’s rich,
how much money did you make? Well that’s not the only metric, you have to make money
while also being healthy, and while also being happy, and while also not making
your kids hate you. So there’s other metrics to
this that are so important, if you wanna be one of
those bad ass bosses, who gets this to me, that’s what boss is, is somebody who loves their life and is empowered by learning social skills and things like that and not
having something run them. – Yeah, the other big one, I
really wanna harp on here is, we touched on before self sabotage, but like, this one was big for me where, a lot of the coaching
when it comes to say, guys interacting with women,
at least in say life programs, was not even me, and this was weird, I reflected on this after
a while I’m like, wow, that’s so weird, it wasn’t
hey, go do this, go do that, a lot of it was making them
realize that the girls like them and to not self sabotage, so that’s huge. We always focus on how can
I make something happen, but we never bring our
awareness to how am I perhaps pushing it away? – Great distinction. Not how am I making things happen, how could it already happen so easily, but I’m shoving it away? Like the example that I gave of– – And that’s what we’re doing, we’re pulling while
pushing at the same time. – Because if you watch
us socially interaction, you’ll see a lot of girls just jumping up and it’s just very easy and simple, but we’re not doing a lot,
we’re just not pushing it away, we’re not creating walls of
shtick, of self qualification, of that toxic energy of
need to prove ourselves. And they’re just like you’re awesome, because it’s one of the few
guys they met that night that wasn’t either
drunk, psycho, (laughing) or having that dark pit. – Yeah, well qualifying
or even just leaving. Like we tend to think
rejection’s the scariest thing, it’s actually sometimes even
more terrifying if it goes well like if you go up to a beautiful girl, and you’re like hey, and
she just looks at you, and she’s like hey, (gasping) too much, and you just, oh I gotta go,
you’ll either run away, or– – We call that run with validation. – Yeah, you’re like– – That little validation of
self love and your run off. One of the biggest stick points. – And you can play that story. If I woulda stuck in, I would
of this and this and this. – One of the biggest things right there. – Or you’ll panic, and then you’ll do or say something stupid. But it’s hard to let that land. And that’s just like saying hi, having a longer interaction,
that’s really hard too. Those are like endurance
muscles that you have to build or just let go of why it’s
there in the first place. That’s so key what you said there though because that’s the biggest
thing that even I used to get was it just goes good for a few minutes, and because I got a
little bit of self love that I’m lacking, I have to
get out of there to save it, because if it was given
to me and then stripped, it would almost feel worse than before, so they call that like running
away with the validation. And guys try to come up
with techniques to fix that, that’s great, but when
you already love yourself, there’s nothing to run away from, it pulls the rug out from that dynamic. Again, why do we hammer on
Transformation Mastery Academy well for anybody wanting to
learn about success with women this stuff is massive. And you and I have been working
on the social aspect of it and social dynamics for years. So, when guys that put
this much time and effort into something are coming
to these conclusions and wanting to save you from
going down the wrong tunnel, we’re doing that to spare you time, and to advance you so you
don’t have to go through a lot of those things to come
to these same realizations, but I’ll promise you, the
majority of emotionally healthy happy people that learn
about that kinda content, will come to similar versions of these conclusions eventually. So let’s get you there faster, sometimes I feel that
people learn too slow. They have to go through
things the long way there’s so much to life, you
don’t need to spend 15 years to get these lessons,
let’s just get them now, and then move to the next thing. That’s the power of modern society is that we can help each
other, benefit from each other, I don’t need to build my own table, and take two weeks off work, I can go to Ikea and for
100 bucks get a table instead of taking two
weeks off work to build it. So the reason to learn
about this stuff from people who have walked the path
and to have mentors, role models, and people
to learn from quickly, is to get in the right direction quickly, not to waste your time. – People also fail to
realize the opportunity cost, where it’s like, if you take
the amount of time right now, like we’re all very stubborn, and I notice this in different areas, still to this day, but
a lot less in my life, from like oh I just wanna do it myself, and I have to remind myself like no, like, maybe you could do it yourself, and it would take so much time, and you could be proud
like, I did it myself, but what could you have
done with that time if you were just less stubborn and just asked for
fucking help, sought help? – The pros don’t think like that, the pros just go to the top, get the help, get it done, move on to the next thing. They’re not stubborn. – Well that’s the thing,
if you take right now all the hours and days and
maybe years you’ve spent trying to get this handled,
like say you’re watching this for success with women, you’re like, I’ve watched all these videos, I’ve gone out, like all
that time, energy, effort, if you applied that
towards something else, like say an instrument,
you’d be a masterful fucking guitar player,
or whatever that is. If you applied that
towards business finances, you’d be banking right now. So there is an opportunity
cost, it’s not just, oh it’s this, and I can take
my time, I’m still young. You’re losing out on a
lot, don’t be so stubborn. – Even by the way at
my own level of success I feel incredibly regretful for areas that I didn’t bring in
help or experts sooner, I’m kicking myself now, pushing 40, and that opportunity cost that was gone, just thinking of, ’cause people say, oh you guys, it’s like,
thanks, and I appreciate it, but there’s a lot more we coulda done, if we had known to get
better help, a lot more. – Yeah, there’s one
more point I wanna make with the self sabotage here that’s huge, this is another fun one
I’ll see, when say coaching. I’m like hey, so go say hi to a girl, and they’ll kinda walk around, and they’re like, and they come back, and I’m like why are you not saying hi? It’s like oh I can’t find any. I’m like, they’re all around you. And they just block it off, why? That same worthiness too, where it’s so hard to even
see that the girl likes you. There was a client that
actually stands out, this is one of the first clients I had, years ago, it was in Amsterdam, we went out and the guy was
doing amazingly well with girls, were smiling, laughing, loving him, and it was the end of
the night he was like, I suck, they all hated me. I’m like what? They all liked you. He just couldn’t see it. And the next night, I
literally had to take pictures of the girls smiling to show him proof, like they like you, let it land. Stop blocking it off. And that just on one level, and I mean, another example we used is compliments. Can you let someone compliment you? And there’s different levels there too, most people are at the middle, where if you hear a compliment, you need to justify like,
oh, like nice jacket. You’re like oh, this jacket’s nothing. You can’t be like, oh thanks. But at a lower level, you
don’t even see the compliment, you take it as like a sarcastic
insult, like oh, fuck that. And that’s what that guy was
doing with the girls reactions, and that’s what the other
person was doing walking around like there’s no girls. You just don’t see the opportunities. – Want me to give the most
messed up story of that? – Yeah. – When I was first learning
about success with women, I was trying to go to a shopping mall, I think it was called the
Gana-knock-way Center in Kingston. It’s like a suburb in Kingston, and I would see like two girls a day there and I’d be like walking around in circles just trying to work up
the nerve to talk to them. And this one really beautiful girl. I looked at her, and I actually
was really working on this, so I tried to maintain
eye contact with her, and I held eye contact for maybe you know, felt like forever, probably two seconds, but felt like 20 seconds or something, and she looked at me and
she says to her friend, but while holding eye contact
with me, she goes, he’s hot. And this was me at about 21, 22. And I felt like I was being attacked, to the point that I was like, whatever. I think I might of, this is so messed up, and I’m so embarrassed to say this, but I almost wonder if
I even was like, slut. Like actually, you know? Like this girl was just
trying to relate with me, and either thought it or said it. Because I was so scared
coming from such a low point. Now after, and here’s the big joke to any girl watching this, now after I act like that and walk off, and I’m sure she got over
it within a millisecond, I go home and think
about her, and I’m like, her, for months, and then I see her again, maybe eight or nine months later, and then I’m like, oh she
probably remembers that I’m hot, and she thinks I’m hot,
so it’s gonna be awesome. So I go back up to her and
she has no clue who I am. And she’s kinda weirded out. And again, it was to the point that anything positive coming at
me, it would just freak me out, and I mean this is even
a problem sometimes when we do video content where
we’re trying to help people and they’re literally taking it in a way where they’re feeling, they
have a lot of mixed feelings towards the content that
we’re creating for them, because if we’re trying to help them, they’re taking it that same way as I felt when the girl was looking at
me, and when you see that, with us now being removed from that, it seems so hard to believe
that that’s even real, like you forget that people are like that until you get around
people that are like that and you’re like, that’s actually real, and then you’re like, I was like that. And you’re just like, I mean
this is a bit messed up, but like I was so much in
this messed up way of thinking in my first several decades of life, that I have a hard time even
remembering them at this point because so many of my memories
was warped with darkness, self hate, self sabotage,
and low vibration energy that I have a hard time even
looking back at that stuff, and this is why you get
people to dig that up, and release it because it
is that hard to look at. I mean even when we’ve had
adversity to teach this content, I mean you and I are both
very capable of working in many other fields than this, and we have a lot of
motivation actually to I mean its a strange thing
that you probably never thought of this as you watch our videos, both Jul and I could do many
other things than be teachers. Many other things, we have
enough skillsets at this point that we could go on to
do many other things that would even be more lucrative. But why do we keep
teaching no matter what, is because when you’ve
been through that hell, you view it like there’s
other people in that hell and you’ve gotta help
them to rise above it and liberate them from that, and no matter what adversity you face, you’re gonna keep teaching
because it is a calling to help. – Yeah it’s not a choice, it’s like you just can’t not do it. – There would be a moral
imperative to make sure that guys heal and that’s where, for both Jul and I we’ve
spent years and years, where it’s an obsession because we need to get that message out. If you yourself are feeling darkness, if you’re feeling pain
or refrigerator hum pain, frankly, if you think
you don’t feel anything, because you’re so
disconnected from yourself that you can’t even look at it, like the bank account
thing that you said, right? Don’t even wanna look at
the bank, that was me, when I had no awareness of myself and then Neil Strauss came
and said you hate yourself. And I’m like, that can’t even
be possible, I’m on team me! And that was like my first
window into even looking at that, if you’re in that point and
you’re walking into environments feeling the need to self
qualify, to defend yourself, if you’re feeling a light
refrigerator hum of anxiety, if you’ve got warped
paradigms in your head that are forcing you to
have to meet people in these overblown heavy handed
ways rather than just having fun with them and
letting it go from there, if you’re dealing with this stuff, this is why we created
Transformation Mastery Academy, and brought these teachings to the surface to take you by the hand, walk you past the smoking
wreckage of nonsense of this stuff that we’re
talking about here, and get you right to the promised land, so you don’t have to
claw around in the dark for years and years, you can learn faster, and we wanna get this
to you and work with you and have you in our tribe,
we want you in our click, so we can work with you
directly and change your life. To the point that when
you experience this, you’re in tears of joy, and
that’s why a lot of time in your videos you see people crying and saying this is one of
the best days of their lives, well where’s that coming from? That’s coming from, I hope this video, this conversation that Jul and
I are having with you here, I hope that this is shedding some light, at least the tip of an iceberg really, on where this is coming from. – Yeah, and it’s honestly
something everyone should do. Like, no matter who you
are, whether you’re again, that strong refrigerator
hum or you just know, like man, I just really feel down, or you’re just like, yeah I
guess I’m, I think I’m okay, it’s like do it. It’s something it’s everyone’s
responsibility to do this and handle their baggage,
handle that shit, whether you’re aware of it or not, ’cause it is most definitely there. And not propel that on
the world and propel that on even future generations,
’cause that’s what happens. If you think about it,
your parents parents, the parents parents, like if your parents, say your father wasn’t loved or something the way he was raised, that’s gonna propel into you and the buck has to stop somewhere. And make sure it stops with you. – With you, Steven Cubby
calls that a stop generation. – Yeah. – That’s why I’m always
posting my kids on my Instagram and YouTube, I wanna show people,
this is a stop generation. – Back to that say compliments, like you just can’t see that
someone’s complimenting you, how many opportunities are right there in front of you right now? Or partners who are just
waiting to meet you right now, and you just can’t see it because of that pushing success away from you? You know it’s insane, so
doing this type of work won’t just get you out of feeling stifled, you’ll feel at ease,
you’ll start having fun, you’ll start seeing people
for who they truly are, not who you think they are,
what they’ll do for you, relationships will last,
connections will be authentic. You will stop pushing things
away, things will be so easy. I love what you said too, it’s like pulling the rug
out from that dynamic, so much of this effort
and heaviness just gone. – Make life easy. – Yeah, and I mean fuck
it, it just moves you in this completely new paradigm, where you’ll look back
at your experiences now, and like you were saying, you can’t even really remember them, like how did it used to be so heavy? Like that little glimpse
you might have had if you go out and you just get
in a really nice flow state, and you’re like, how are
all those other nights or months or years so hard? Why isn’t always like this? That’s how you’ll feel on
a more permanent level. Your baselines up, and you’re like how did I make things so difficult? Even me reflecting back now when I’m like it was going out and it
was all that anxiety, and I was looking around
and man I felt like everyone was staring at me,
judging me, pointing at me, it feels like another lifetime. It’s like now it’s like how
could I actually think that? Even if I tried to make myself think that I’d have trouble doing it. And also just being off
that roller coaster of validation, I lost it, like
that, it tires you out. – Or needing to get crazy drunk just to be able to go interact. – Yeah. – Puking and inflaming your body. – Yeah, no, it’s again, this
is one of those things where it’ll effect all areas of life, but when it comes to dating,
you’ll just see results fast. And that’s the thing,
it’s results oriented. You might have seen on this
channel the testimonials people sharing their stories, or even some of the footage
from different events, I mean speak for themselves. Every event people are in tears, coming up to me tears of gratitude. Like thank you, you helped
me with this, with this, with this, reactions, I
would get back in the day, but never so many so intense, and like, that’s when you know it’s like wow. Like we’re on to
something really big here. – In summary what I would say is that there’s a dynamic of status going on, and the cool kids are able
to just chill and be at ease. And for people that are the not cool kids, everything’s just difficult. Join the cool kids club,
where things can be easy, things can be fun, you
can resonate with success, and you can create a
platform to help yourself, and your health, wealth, relationships, higher purpose, happiness, social skills, make the decision to engage
in Transformation Mastery. Master your transformation,
this is your turning point, this is your journey, so we’ve offered a lot of different ideas here, we’ve given you the tip of the iceberg, we want you to come on
this journey with us, we want you to be part of our tribe, come join us in Transformation
Mastery Academy, I’ll be in there too, I’m so
excited to work with you inside and take you on this journey,
take you by the hand, show you what’s possible,
we’re here for you, we’re here as your servants,
we’re here on your agenda, it’s a win-win thing, it’s beautiful. Thank you so much for watching this video, check out Transformation Mastery Academy, we’re gonna see you on the inside, it’s gonna be fun, peace. – This is Julian, and welcome to Transformation Mastery Academy. Which is my new 12 month long
interactive online course, where I make sure you
get the support you need, and hold you accountable to make true, permanent transformation
for you inevitable. – It’s been the first
time in over 10 years since my dad died that I
actually felt like I did before. – I felt so much shame
when it come to being me. And now I don’t feel that shame anymore. – This program isn’t like anything you’ve seen from me before. It has a completely new teaching format, and when you experience it, it’s going to completely
revolutionize every single aspect of your life, getting you
the health, the wealth, the relationship, the
happiness you deserve. It’s complete with the latest,
most cutting edge teachings, that took me over a decade to figure out. Transformational missions, and challenges, a full proof accountability system, access to one on one Skype coaching, guided meditative
releases, and so much more. Transformation Mastery
Academy is the culmination of all my years traveling
around the world since 2010, teaching tens of thousands
of people face to face, and millions online meeting
every type of person imaginable, seeing every type of issue imaginable, and perfecting my teachings,
perfecting my techniques, producing results that
are out of this world. – I had no way of being
able to deal with the pain, I had no way of being able to handle it, and for the first time in my life, I finally feel an inner
stillness, and peace in myself. – This is the work that I’m known for, it’s my premium content, it’s the reason why multiple times a week, every single week, people
are coming up to me in tears of gratitude, telling me and showing me, how this has completely
changed their lives. You’re absolutely going to love it, and I can’t wait for you
to experience it right now. Whether you’re someone who’s
at the mercy of self sabotage and procrastination, or you
know exactly what you should be doing but for some
reason you just can’t do it, seeing other people achieve their goals, achieve their dreams,
while you just stay stuck. Or you’re someone who takes
a little bit of action, you start dabbling a
bit, and for some reason you just keep being pulled back, like there’s this invisible
force just pulling you back constantly that you
just can’t escape from, or you’re someone who
suffers from self attack, you just can’t quiet that
voice inside, discontent, pain, that painful feeling that
you just can’t seem to shake or you’re someone who’s
paralyzed by fear, by anxiety, blocking you from jumping at opportunities that are right there in front of you, Transformation Mastery Academy
is going to break you free from all of this now. This course uses a completely
new, 12 month long, interactive teaching format, that will make it impossible
for you to revert back to old tendencies and
self destructive habits, and with the new accountability system that I put in place for you, it will make it impossible
for you to not take action. And you will start winning in life. The way it works is that
for the next 12 months, you’ll receive each
month, exclusive content, this is the stuff you should
have been taught at school, this is the stuff I wish
I was taught in school, and it’s completely new
content that isn’t like anything you’ve seen out there, in the traditional self help world. You see, no one teaches us
how our childhood shapes us and still runs us to this day. We all carry past trauma,
and negative core beliefs from our parents, our
teachers, our friends, different situations we were in, and no one talks about this, no one shows us how to
process this and free ourself from these things that
are holding us back today. Each month I will give
you my latest tools, my latest blueprints, my
latest step by step processes, that will help you dive
deep into your subconscious, identify what those blocks are, and together we will release them. And this is not some feel good mainstream content by the way, this is a field tested process, that has worked for thousands of clients. Each month you will also receive
transformational missions and challenges that will
force you to internalize what you’re learning and
rewire your brain for success. You see, Transformation Mastery Academy isn’t some program where you just sit down and watch the videos, it’s an actual experience,
where you’re going out and putting this to use,
you’re applying it directly, and I’m guiding you through it. And these missions and challenges are designed in a specific way that will push you
outside your comfort zone, and force you to step into your greatness. Now here’s what makes
this program truly unique. You see, I can give you
the exclusive content, the transformational
missions and challenges, but at the end of the day,
there’s nothing preventing you from just not doing them, and that’s why Transformation Mastery Academy comes with a full proof accountability system, that will make sure you
have everything you need to guarantee that you take action and start transforming your life. I’ve created a secret
mastermind Facebook group that will serve as your
accountability system and support system and this
is what takes this program to a whole other level. You see, when you become part of Transformation Mastery Academy, you will immediately be
connected to other people going through the same processes, the same missions, the
same challenges as you, and you will be able to network. You will be able to exchange notes, you will be able to ask
for help, get feedback, hey, how did you go about this mission? I’m having a little
trouble, and that there will just push you to new heights. You see sometimes all it
takes is just one person to believe in you, just one response, like hey, you got this. I don’t know if I can
do this, you got this. And seeing someone
actually believe in you, someone care about your success, will push you in ways you cannot imagine. Now it’s not just other members, my coaches and I will be in there as well. And we’ll be following your journey. We’ll be following your progress, and helping you along the way as well. So you’re not alone in this, this isn’t a program where
you just get it and now it’s, figure it out, we’re there with you, we’re checking up on you,
hey, how are you doing? How can we help? Did you do the missions,
did you do the challenges? No, let’s find a way
to get you to do them. You see, we’re just as
invested in you as you are, and this is really what makes
Transformation Mastery Academy that program that will change your life. Now to really take it over the top here, when you become part of the
Transformation Mastery Academy tribe you will also have
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I offer anywhere publicly, I only offer it to the
most committed people, the most dedicated people, people who have decided enough is enough. This is the most VIP
experience you can get, and results happen fast. During these calls, you will
not just get personalized feedback, homework,
exercises, assignments, based on who you are and your needs, ’cause we really get to know each other on a deep personally level,
so I know exactly what to give you to produce
transformation fast, but I also do at the end of each call, a personalized guided release around you. And that’s where the gold is, and I will send you an MP3 recording of this release you can go back to and listen to again and again and again, just really super charging
your transformation. Each month you will also
receive a guided release. And this isn’t just a guided meditation, this is a unique process
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deep into your subconscious, and releasing the limitations,
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to letting go of addictions, drinking, eating,
letting go of depression, suddenly no longer having that
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different opportunities, feeling completely at ease. And it will do the same for you. Every single month we will also be doing a book of the month webinar, where I will reveal the most underground and impactful books I’ve ever read. These aren’t books that are
discussed in the mainstream or even in the traditional
self help world, these are the secret books that
will truly change your life and the format we’re gonna be
using to discuss these books, is specifically designed to
reveal the blind spots you have to the content you need to be receiving. You see, on the webinar you
will not only hear my breakdown, my takeaways, but you will
hear other peoples take aways. You will be able to ask questions, and just hearing all
these different angles, you will pick up on content you previously had a blind spot to. You see, when you read a book by yourself, you only get that one
pass, that one angle. And you miss a lot of content
that you need to be receiving. And hearing me talk about it, seeing other people ask
different questions, give their takeaways, you will be hit by so
many different angles, that it will be impossible for
you to miss that key content. And I didn’t stop there. At the end of every single month in Transformation Mastery Academy, we will be doing a Q
and A webinar training. Where you’ll be able to
ask me your questions, and receive immediate feedback and get insight into your transformation, and there are no deadlines
to these webinars, we’re gonna keep going until
there are no questions left. No matter how long it
takes, I wanna make sure you have everything you need
and no one is left behind. And I’ve also added
three exclusive bonuses on top of all of this. The first is the Break-Up Manifesto, where I reveal how to heal and
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fears that we all have. The fear of being alone,
the fear of being rejected, these fears that hold us back
in so many areas in our lives. And the third bonus is The
Principles of Letting Go, where I give you the
key unfiltered insights that will take you into new, powerful levels of transformation. This is Transformation Mastery Academy, and it’s the first step on your journey to realizing your true potential. Right now you’re at a crossroads. One path will lead you
to more of the same, more of that same self
sabotage, procrastination, replaying the same patterns in your life, having these same limitations, the same success barriers,
these same anxiety, these same self attack, more
of the same as the years go by and you just remain stuck. The other path will lead
you to that potential, that new life, that new you. Freeing yourself from your past, freeing yourself from those limitations, the bad programming, the trauma, and embracing who you truly are. Getting better success,
better wealth, better health, better friendships, better
relationships, a better life. So to begin this journey,
to take that step right now, scroll down and click the button, and become a part of
Transformation Mastery Academy. In the future you will
look back at this decision as being one of the best decisions that changed everything for you. I’m so excited to see you get started with Transformation Mastery Academy just scroll down and click
the button below to begin, join my tribe, join the students that are already having massive
success with these teachings, join my coaches that are
just waiting to meet you, waiting to support you, waiting to hold you
accountable and join me. We’re all here, we’re
all in this together, scroll down, click the button right now, to join us, click it to begin, right now. So to recap, when you join now, every single month you will
receive exclusive content, transformational missions and challenges, personal accountability, a
secret mastermind Facebook group, access to get one on one Skype coaching, guided meditative releases,
a book of the month webinar, a Q and A webinar training,
and on top of that, three exclusive bonuses that
you can’t find anywhere else. It’s simple, it’s straightforward, just scroll down right now
and click the button to begin. – That was amazing, just
being able to finally find that reason, I
believe that’s probably, man, I’ve been searching for a long time to try to find that root reason of why, I think that’s it right there, and it’s amazing to share with you guys. – Just the best experience of my life, what I just had today. – I didn’t even know what was happening, like my hands were shaking,
and it was just like me being my authentic self. – I really wanna thank
each and every one of you, out of the bottom of my
heart, thank you guys. – Transformation Mastery
Academy is for you. If you’re someone who procrastinates, who dabbles, who self sabotages, you know you could be doing so much more, you know you have this
untapped potential inside, but for some reason you
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this will deliver the goods, just scroll down, click the
button right now to begin. Let me change your life,
this is my premium content, and I cannot wait for
you to experience it now. Just scroll down, click the button, join my tribe, become part of my click, and let’s start changing your life today. Click the button right now,
and I’ll see you on the inside.

100 Replies to “How To Improve Your Dating Life: Julien & Tyler’s Advanced Secrets To Increasing Your Social Status!”

  1. This may well be one of the most important videos I've ever seen in my life. So much PRICELESS wisdom in just under 2 hours. I don't have finances for TMA at the moment, but I do have Transformation Mastery and I strongly encourage you all to invest in yourself with these programs. No pun intended, but you are doing Gods work Father J. Much love y'all 👌🏾☝🏾

  2. I have a bit of a problem here, maybe someone can help me. Ok here is the story. I have a friend. This friend of mine isn’t really all that good looking nor does he have status. But he have many girl “friends”. With that I mean that he is friend zoned by every single girl he knows, but still he is around girls every time, but as friends. He isn’t gay or anything, he is straight. And here we have me. I play football, I would think I’m good looking and I have somewhat status in school and locally. Like, people know me and I know a lot of people. But here is the thing. When I engage in a convo with a girl, they are kind of laid back. I talk to them and they smile (a lot). I make them laugh and all that shit. But after that it doesn’t go anywhere. I don’t get friend zoned because I kind of indicate that I want this to go further than that. Maybe they know I’m going for the kill so they play hard to get or maybe there is something with me. But if it is about me, then why does my friend have many girl “friends”, and not me?? Of course I don’t really want to be friends with all of them, I want to maybe have some kind of relationship, sexually. But I don’t really know. Could someone help me on this matter?

  3. I'm in my late 20s and only recently have I began to realize how bad my parents fucked me up. And it was because their parents fucked them up. And I didn't grow up in an abusive household like drunk beatings and molestation or whatever, but it was psychologically and emotionally (and unintentionally) abusive. People really, really and I mean FUCKING REALLY don't know how to raise children properly. Parents have no clue how to understand what makes their child unique and raise them to become that unique individual, they only want to mold their children into this image they have of them.

  4. YEP @ 46:30 – Anecdote about female friends reacting to ""pick up"" (or rather the ability to express oneself freely from a place of abundance while engaging with a group or an individual) … ALL of my female friends feel the exact same way. From all walks of life (Hardcore feminists to hot girls who frequent clubs and everything in between). It just MAKES SENSE. They even wish they had some of these instructions too!

    Unfortunately, blanket terms like "PICK UP ARTISTS" have awful stigma. But most people I meet think it's awesome when they take the time to hear it like it's expressed in THIS video.

    :')

  5. Great example Julien! 17 mins in and loving it . thank you guys. I also had that social breakthrough 2 years ago because of your videos and i fell back wonderi g what am i doing wrong that i feel so needy of validation.

  6. Start a podcast guys, it has massive potential to take your company RSD to the next level. Imagine at some point having a Joe Rogan episode with Julien and Tyler, and masses of people realizing what you're actually all about. It would be epic

  7. I love you guys so much, without RSD it would have took me my entire life to figure it out, you guys have saved so much of my time, i am at my beginning phase, going to mall to talk to people, this will help me to do my approaches from the right mindset.

  8. 36:29 BodyAwarennes / Feeling Cortisol building/ Slowing Down !!! Please !!! Please!! Elaborate on this topic! PUA is so much about HUSTLING hard but I have so problems to slow down after hustling hard, that I fear hustling hard or even fear sleeping and resting.

  9. I've found that what had changed my life is to work on my self-concept which helped me understand who I am.

  10. You guys say that when you radiate with positive energy that people naturally get drawn to you resulting in wanting to be around you and start praising you saying "your different", "your awesome".

    On the contrary, won't you mostly get people who see that "difference" in you and actually try and hurt you and bring you down for being like that? They actively try to kill that light within you?

    Thats just one of my experiences I've come to think about.
    Do you have any thoughts about this?

  11. Guys! I am so happy to see you working together again, and I am so happy for you julien, you create life changing material. Let’s change now

  12. i remeber long time ago like 10 years go when i was starting to pickup i walked exstra blcock around city because i wanted to prolong before to go bar and to talk woman and omg some times blowouts then i went to change wenue and again i started walking around block before i went to another bar and some times i was in pain some times stopped walking and i have to sit down like fuck that im glad it was 10 years ago

  13. That part of about alcohol 59 minutes in is so true! I don't drink but one friend starts out nice when drinking then when he is drunk he's talking about how much he hates himself and asking me to punch him!

  14. I just got transformation mastery academy, do you recommend going to transformation mastery live too? or is TMA enough?

  15. Love the part around 1:28:00–1:30:00ish. As someone who's been to several RSD events and been on the "self-development" journey for several years now, I can't remember very well what life was like before I started it. It's literally as if my life didn't really start until I discovered self-help. I can logically paint a picture of what I was like and how I felt back then, but it's hard to address/experience the actual thought patterns I was having at the time. Of course, that's amazing, but Owen makes a good point (Transformation Academy goes in depth with this and Julien reiterates this a lot) : it's hard to address trauma when you don't even know/remember what was running you in the past.

    Can't thank these guys enough for what they do.

    Keep crushin it.

  16. Great content guys!

    This angle of your work, where you discuss "the psyche" and your empirical understanding on how to manage it , is very rich!

    Keep it up

  17. Wow the only people would understand this the people with Kanye mentality. thanks rsd for this. Such a deep way seeing things.

  18. I've heard you use the child in the restaurant example before – what would you recommend parents do instead?

  19. Guys, self love is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I feel like it’s crippled me socially so much. I go through waves of confidence and feeling secure, but it always seems to drain away back to feeling worthless, and not even being able to hold conversations well.

    Has anyone else had similar experiences, and how have you coped with it/overcome it? I’ve tried meditation, affirmations, putting myself out there, but it feels like a very deep rooted issue. Thanks !

  20. The narcissistic vs. co-dependent perfectly described my last two relationships, I switched roles from one relationship to the next. Crazy eye-opening and valuable. Thanks.

  21. Excellent video! One of the best that I have watched from Tyler and Julien. I have been learning such valuable skills and mindsets from you guys. Congratulations. Great ideas that the people should learn and be in touch with. Thank you guys, to be my online mentor. Peace! … From Sao Paulo, Brazil

  22. OWEN
    BE OPEN MINDED AS YOU BELIEVE YOU SHOULD
    AND TRY QUITTING ALL ANIMAL PRODUCTS and(!!!) OIL IN GENERAL TO LOSE WEIGHT
    ALTHOUGH YOU ARE NOT SICK FOR YEARS IT IS STILL UNHEALTHY
    TAKE TIME TO STUDY THIS. 801010 DIET OR LOW FAT MOSTLY RAW VEGAN DIET
    AND THEN SUPPORT VEGANISM AS A WAY TO SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD
    STUDY IT – WATCH THE MOVIES COWSPIRACY AND EARTHLINGS. DO IT!

  23. GREAT video… I'm in TRANSFORMATIONAL ACADEMY, it is so good… and if you are not in, GO GET IT. Can't wait to see you guys again Tyler in NYC.

  24. I know what Tyler means when he talks about getting into that self destructive/self defeating negativity. It's a mental loop, you have to learn to break your own state, just STOP and step off that ride into a more beneficial state of presence.

  25. u guys are one of the few leaders actually teaching wholeness on youtube. I really feel privileged hearing your experiences of this important journey to a natural state of being

  26. when she says youre amazing, wuaa there`s chemestry, we got to meet…and the day after she doesnt respond your messages….:D Let`s teach how to make this short relations more solid.

  27. Love this! up to 12:45 (so excited I'm commenting before finishing the video) This month I've let myself get into negative moods (cosmic influences? maybe) and once you're in them it's like when a fight breaks loose, it seems imposible to stop it. Then I thought, "man, where's my emotional control? It clearly makes socializing tough. So important to carry a metaphorical necklace with pearls of wisdom, mantras, that can raise your vibe again. Brothers, since October last year (THIS epic video you made –>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBT1L_w43ko) you have inspired me push the envelope in raising the vibe. Blessings.

  28. SELF LOVE!!! YES… There's a valuable relationship with masturbation here and with making love to the universe every moment.

  29. You guys are AMAZINGLY great!!!! you are sincere, hones, smart, on point. And you really touch in the problem millions of us have. You deserve a novel price on Self Improvement Education!!!! keep up the great work!!

  30. Legends! A lot of help if was not a student definitely would attend TMA great results! Thanks for the free content you can't imagine how much you help!

  31. ANYONE here who follows Tyler and Julian is also a friend of mine. Love RSD… LOVE the movement and what it stands for. Now I just gotta convince Julian to let me fly him into seminars with my helicopter. (Helicopter Man)

  32. 1:12:00 This is why it's so important to ask a date what their relationship with their opposite sex parent is. You get a lot of insight into if or what kinds of hangups they might have.

  33. jesus it never ceases to amaze me how that rambling ginger manages to go on for hours without saying any goddam thing

  34. A lot of truth about self-love.
    Personally, I've been in the healing process for twenty and a half months as of right now and in the last 2-3 weeks, I've noticed so many people looking at me differently, almost with awe (but not in an egotistical way), treating me differently, like they want the best for me, almost like they see a very good friend of theirs, in me.

    There's still triggers and stuff that I'd like to change (to let go of) and things that I want to take to the next level, but so far in the last few weeks, shit has been really good.

    It's been pretty tough going through all the trauma and healing it, but in those twenty and a half months, I feel like I've raised my default state from about a 3.5 to around an 8.

    So thank you for doing all this! 🙂

  35. Iam getting close to the high vibration all the time but in school iam sitting to friends happy and they just start making problems and whining about everything and i somethimes try to relax and get in high vibration but then get some stuff like i need this shit all the time stop that stop that and by trying i fail
    Someone some tipps?

  36. Being in the more challenging units in the military, or working in a kind of negative environment, this can make it so hard to have a positive vibe. It's so hard for me to put my work life behind me, and have a different social life. The vibe in my unit is so ready to put down anyone who doesn't do every thing exactly right that it brings me down It doesn't transfer to me that I am part of an elite unit.

  37. Is this anxiety only about approaching women? Or is it also about socializing with men too? If so, this is making me feel sad for guys!

  38. man I qui because it hurt too much got to get through sticking points glad someone acknowledged. how bad rejection over and over feels

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